I just don't know any more...

Life must be truly depressing and awful when you wake up to windows wide open, birds chirping and 63 degree weather and you still don't feel like doing anything.  Of course, every day I do my requisite job searching.  Monday night I applied for a Bank Examiner position, working for the Fed Reserve of Cleveland.  I kid you not, less than 12 hours later, they sent me a rejection email.  And, I still haven't heard anything from Boston.

I'm getting to the point where I have to do something.  I want to go travel, but that costs money.  I do have quite a few frequent flyer miles that I could use.  I have a friend who will be in Frankfurt, Germany for a few months and I reconnected with a classmate from my study abroad days who is living temporarily in Budapest, Hungary.  My people (at least one half of them) are from the Netherlands.  I speak Spanish and Portuguese.  I could totally get myself around Europe, right?  I just don't want to do it by myself and I can't afford one of those tour groups.  

Thankfully, I am getting out of dodge and visiting my dear friend in Denver, CO next weekend and let me tell you...it can't come soon enough.  

I feel like the majority of my friends all have the perfect lives.  New houses, redecorating to be done, picking out the finishes for their new construction condos, getting married, perfect boyfriend relationships, taking trips, new clothes, slender bikini ready bodies, married and having babies...whatever it is they have desired in life, they have received. 

My life is in fail mode.  I'm having trouble recovering from unemployment.  Networking events even cost money!  Becoming a member of a regional or international chamber of commerce costs money!  

Graduate school doesn't seem like a viable option for me...most grad schools require that you apply by January 15 for the following fall semester.  And we all know I flaked out on taking the GRE last fall because I was so preoccupied by ex-man-boy.  Damn him.  Why did I ever meet him?  I'd probably be on my way to Harvard shortly if it weren't for him.  Damn it.  I'm kicking myself for not applying.  What was wrong with me?  All my excuses about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, etc... sigh.

My best option at this point would be the job in Boston.  That aside, I have no idea what I'll be doing in the near future.  Going back to a job, just any job, just to have a job sounds so soul sucking, but maybe I just have to do it anyways.