Final Post: Scenes from Employment

Yes, this is indeed my last post.  As I start my wonderful new job and life here below the Mason-Dixon line, I have come to find that I have much less time or inclination to continue blogging under this title.  It is time for a new chapter and a new blog...maybe.  

But first, a little bit about what it is like to be employed, because I had forgotten.  

I love my new job.  It feels like a vacation.  I get to go in and drink free coffee from the lunch room every morning.  There is always someone new to talk to and get to know.  But honestly, the best part is that I am respected.  No one to call me crazy cat lady, want me to meow or say the most horrific things about my volunteering.  Instead, I am seen as an experienced compliance professional with much to add to the team.  I am given the ability to run with projects that I think would be beneficial to the firm.  There is nothing or no one standing in my way or telling me to stop thinking like I am at a big firm.  

I have a great boss and great co-workers.  They all want to see me succeed and be part of the team.  It is pretty awesome.  I feel like I belong.  

As I go off and explore this new city, I am very excited and hopeful that I will make it all that I can.  

Thanks to all my readers and rest assured, perhaps someday you will encounter a blog and say....hey, I think I know that girl.  

when it rains it pours

I really wish it were raining cats and dogs (or just cats), and that I was referring to alcohol being poured.  It's not like that at all.  I mean, sometimes I spend some time in an alternate reality where there are lots of fluffy, cute kittens and it precipitates Jack & Ginger.  But that's a whole other post.

Au contrair mon cheri, it is raining ex-blokes and crazy problems, resulting in a comedic soap opera of epic proportions. 

First, in mid-July, MG reappears but I think it is only because I have a career connection for him.  But, finally after a month, I talked to him and it oddly felt like talking to an uncle which is super weird considering that we dated. 

Then, some other young 24 year old of Ugandan and Brit ex-pat status started coming round again.  Next it was an old, old, on again off again mate of mine who it is fun to hang with until he meets my friends, starts dating one and then starts acting like a jerk again.  

On my birthday eve, a super hot 25 year old who I met on the eve of his birthday three months ago, called out of the blue and now he is coming to visit me in Atlanta when I get settled in.  He even already bought his ticket.  

Perhaps my most favourite, is the hot Bangladeshi who (oh wait, now he is a FB friend and may read this post, but oh well), drunkenly contacted me with a concocted apology and explanation of why he stood me up that one night not so long ago, but long enough ago for me to have deleted his number and forget about him.  Turns out he and his bestie broke up their friendship over a bird.  He did say he thought he was going to be the guy to sweep me off my feet, so I forgave him and now I check in on his mental status at least once a day.  I am way too nice.  Fact is, I miss his easy-going, sweet demeanour.  And, he is sooo handsome.  I love how sometimes he just kind of shyly grins.  

My least favourite is this random strange person who I used to be texting buddies with (hey, unemployment is boring) and after he got to be a little ridiculous once, I decided we should not talk any more.  Well, he reappeared too, via FB.  I am seriously considering taking myself off FB now. 

I did, however, send away the very rude bloke I had drinks with in ATL who started acting like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum when I refused to let him come home with me after our first date.  Seriously, he was actually whining.  He is 34 and owns his own company.  Yet, a mere rejection sends him into a tizzy, and he peels out of the parking lot like Danica Patrick.  Then he has the nerve to call me a meanie and expect me to continue talking to him.  I really do know how to find them, eh?

Earlier this week started with friends blowing me off for quiz night on my birthday.  Then I realized my drivers license expires today and I have to take an actual driving test to get it renewed.  There weren't any test appointments available until September and no matter how much I begged, pleaded, cried and gave my sad, sad sob story, no one would make any kind of exception for me or help me out.  Well, I can't rent a rental car to drive myself down if I do not have a valid driver's license, so now I have to have my friend from Richmond drive in, drive me to ATL, then drive back to Richmond.  

No, really.  It gets even better.  So yesterday, while my license was still valid, I rented a car so that I could run errands.  Like buying cat supplies and return things I had borrowed and such.  I was supposed to return it by 5:30 last night but I ran out of time and didn't make it back, so I parked on the street because I didn't have my gate clicker to the secured lot with me.  

There is this driveway-ish thing, totally unmarked, where the trash bins are located and you're not supposed to park in front of it, so that the trash people can get the trash out on Friday mornings.  Yep, I accidentally and apparently without knowing it, parked like 6 inches over the invisible line that doesn't exist.  So, the trash people called the police who called Budget who didn't call me until...yep, the tow truck was just pulling away.  I have never cursed so loudly in front of myself.  The Budget people called at 7:46am and asked, Did the police call you yet?  Ha ha ha.  Imagine waking up to that.  I was so thoroughly confused.

The worst part is that the cops had my information and could have just bloody called me to ask me to move my car, or perhaps I would have demanded they clearly delineate the no parking zone with the requisite yellow paint.  They just wanted $150 in their deficited pockets.

So, to the impound lot I went.  Upon arrival, I presented my photo ID and Budget paperwork, but it turns out I brought the Budget brochure thing they put your receipt in, but the receipt inside was for Uhaul, from when I bought boxes.  After copious calls to try to get the darn Budget office to answer the phone, I got the guy to fax over the relevant paperwork.  Oh, and I took a taxi there because it was only 5 miles away and the bus schedule did not meet my time schedule.  Surprise, surprise. 

I was told to go look for my car in row C.  I asked if the keys were in the car.  Only after the lady looked at me like I was an idiot and stated, Well of course not, you would have them.  We just towed it from the street.... did I realize that in fact, I was an idiot and had forgotten the keys to the car!  Called the taxi again, ran and got my keys, and got the car and took it back to the rental center.  

That, ladies and gentlemen....is my week in review.  I hope you have enjoyed this comedy of errors brought to you exclusively by...me.  Of course, because this shit just doesn't happen to anyone else.  

The Importance of Being Earnest

I am told that the movie entitled "The Importance of Being Earnest" is about a set of late century something or others who avoid proper social obligations by setting out excuses and busying themselves with non-existant relatives or friends in need of tending.  Alliances are forged, and denied, based on the size of trust funds and in the end, the subjects realize the importance of being earnest.  Hence, the title.

But what exactly is earnest?  Or who is Ernest?  Well...Ernest is just a bloke in Oscar Wilde's last play and earnest is defined by sincerity and intention.  Earnest is something I find so few people these days actually have. 

I realize that in the last year I have disappeared, been depressed (severely), hidden myself for weeks, changed in so many ways and in some ways, avoided my usual social obligations by busying myself with the oh so real existence of unemployment.  In turn, friends have represented their personal level of earnestness by their own lack of involvement.  This continues.

I do not maintain my complete innocence or absolve myself from guilt in maintaining my sincerity and intention with friends.  I fully admit I was a bit of a bugger while I was unemployed.  Vast oceans of uncertainty and waves of anger and sadness overwhelmed me.  While at the bottom of my heart, I would have done anything for any friend who called upon me, the reality is that my outward behaviour betrayed my sincerity and good intentions.  There were a few months in particular that were so much worse than the recent months when I have seemed to regain some semblance of my former self.  

Now I find myself in something of a bind.  Long story short, I cannot drive myself and the cats to Atlanta and I must call in reinforcements.  But alas, who among my "friends" are earnest?  For many, I have dropped all on the proverbial dime to accommodate them in their time of need...or desire.  Mostly desire, sometimes need, but always, I am to the rescue.  I have ooohed and aahhed over the blushing bride.  I have lent my car to the carless.  An ear and a shoulder to catch tears and sadness.  Giving up my time and energy for causes greater than my own.  Reaching out, putting in touch, connecting and disbursing my care for the welfare of others.  

What does this gain me?  Snubbed, forgotten, ignored, endless nights alone with two cats.  I begin to realize this evening how much people will use you, before they discard you.  Who will really and earnestly care for you as you cared for them?  There are so few you can honestly count on.  

To those this week who honour the importance of being earnest, I honour you.  You carry me, support me, listen and do, when all others forget, ignore and disdain.  And while this evening, copious tears prevail over those who do not reciprocate my measures of earnest, it makes those who do all the more important and meaningful in my life.  Thank you for seeing the good in spite of the occasional, temporary bad. 

Insomnia

I once wrote an abcedarian poem with this title.  It is a poem in which each line starts with the next letter of the alphabet, starting with A, onwards, hence...ABCedarian.  I have no idea why that just came to mind, except that presently it is 5:23am and I have not gotten so much as a wink of sleep in the last few hours.  My allergies are bothering me, my condo is full of boxes.  My closets are almost empty and I have three silly bands on my wrist. 

It was my big 3-0 birthday yesterday.  It wasn't the celebratory event I had always dreamed and hoped for. I guess there was a reason that, after my 29th birthday, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what I wanted to do for the next one.  So, I guess I didn't really have any expectations.  My biggest birthday present, and best, is that I get to start my dream job in a week!  

I am so profoundly excited about this that, even though each step of the way has been fraught (I love that word) with obstacles and general pain-in-the-assery (and I just made that one up), each time I think about getting to go to work next week Monday, I am nigh to ecstatic.  

One obstacle, other than packing, remains:  my drivers license expires and I would have to take a driving test to get a new license in my old state.  Why is this an issue?  Because I have 5 more days in this state and 4 more days of valid license and on day 5, need to rent a car to drive to my new state.  I doubt I will be allowed, so I need to figure out if I can schedule a driving test and get my license renewed, or if I can somehow finagle my way to a rental car without wasting the time and money.  I imagine this will take some amount of magic to accomplish.  Normally driving tests are scheduled a month in advance.  I need to start thinking of Plan B and C.  I may actually have plans A through H on this one.  

I suppose getting out of bed now and taking some Benadryl and starting to pack until I fall asleep wouldn't be such a bad idea.  I'm glad I started packing some things before I went to NYC.  It wasn't much, but it was the stuff in the kitchen, like glassware, that was kind of a pain.  

Other than the whole car rental thing, probably what is keeping me awake is every single task I need to remember to do before leaving.  And just the general logistics of the entire move.  Fortunately I have 17 days to figure out how to get stuff from my temp housing to my apartment as I won't have a car.  And things like dropping my car off and getting to temp housing is just going to have to worry about itself, to be perfectly honest.  Which reminds me, I should actually call MARTA to see how to get from here to there and most importantly, to work.  Ah...flying by the seat of my pants, as always.   

No place like home

So I lied in my last post.  There really is no place like home.  And it is good to be here with the cats.  Once again they were so happy to see me that they haven't given me a moment's peace since I got home.  Fiona is, in fact, licking my fingers as I type and head butting my arm in an effort to get me to pet her, followed by her pleading little meows.  Portia is laying, back to me, in front of me on the bed, as though she were a sentinel, waiting to ward off anything that could possibly harm me. 

The thing about home, though, is that you have to clean up after yourself and no one makes the bed for you.  Also, this place is not going to pack itself.  I have precisely one week to pack my entire condo.  It really isn't going to be too terribly difficult.  Just really, really boring.  I have already packed all the boxes that I currently have and a friend of mine is going to give me some more tonight.  I will also need some more tape, I think, before this adventure is over.  

I am trying to think how everything in my kitchen here is going to fit into my new place's kitchen.  It doesn't seem like I have a lot of stuff, but when you start packing it into boxes, it certainly makes it seem like a lot.  It is also easy to toss things out so you don't have to move them.  Suddenly, sentimentality goes out the window.  You really don't need to keep that red wax crayon that was your favourite when you were 7 and is now just a little nub of coloured wax.  

After a day of packing and cleaning and laundry, I am glad I have a whole week for this packing stuff.  Because every five minutes, a cat wants to sit on my lap or be petted.  

There's no place like home...

I have been away from "home" for so long now that when I do go back, it doesn't really seem like home to me.  I have been in this hotel room in Atlanta for a week now and it oddly feels like home.  When I was in NYC, wherever I happened to stay, felt relatively like home.  And now, I have my home for my first two and a half weeks in Atlanta booked and signed a lease for my next home after that.  With all this travelling and moving about, I wonder how it will feel to finally be settled in one place.  Such permanency.  

I realized the other day that I am going to be living in the state of Georgia.  How funny that sounded to me when I was thinking about it.  I am going to be a resident of the state of Georgia.  That sounds so different than, hey, I am going to move to Atlanta.  I also realized that I am basically orchestrating a 500 mile move, 4 states away, in about a week.  Seriously.  Below is my list of to do items.  Some are already done, but I guess this is a public exercise in making sure I am not forgetting anything.  But really also a huge thank you to all my friends and family who are making these things possible for me to do "on my own."  I really couldn't do it without so many people.

1. Find an apartment
2. Find a place til Sept. 7 because apartment won't be ready until then
3. Book a rental car to drive down to Atlanta
4. Pack up my belongings
5. Figure out what clothes and things I am bringing with me right away
6. Hire movers and schedule moving
7. Clean condo
8. Drive down to Atlanta
9. Return car to airport and take MARTA to temp housing place
10. START MY NEW AMAZING AWESOME JOB!!!

I really like step #10 the best.  Really, I do.  Every time I get a little discouraged about the whole process, I just think about starting my dream job on Monday.  If you wonder why I held out so long for a job...well, this is why.  

This whole transition hasn't been easy.  I wasn't sure I would find the right apartment and I found a nice, economical place in a very safe neighbourhood.  One-way rental cars seemed to be exorbitantly expensive and not convenient for me to pick up and drop off.  Then I found a reasonable one within walking distance to pick up and figured I could drop off at the airport and take the train back into town.  The next hurdle was finding temp housing that didn't cost an arm and a leg and was located near enough to public transportation.  And then, I discovered a website that does all the legwork for you, getting bids and finally found a cat-friendly place for only $22 a night, has all the amenities I need, and close to downtown and the MARTA.  

I have worried and fretted over all of these details, but in the end, I realize I haven't been brought this far just to have no place to stay.  Or a way to get in to work.  But seriously, I am ready for a breather.  

Also, I am just really writing this completely uninspired post because I am putting of my task for the day: tackling the MARTA.  So, let me stop writing and get on with it.

House Hunters: Day 3

I am very grateful for having a job, don't get me wrong.  But just getting a job doesn't instantaneously reverse or stop the effects of a lack of employment.  The longer the term of unemployment one serves, the longer the the effects last.  

Moving to Atlanta is a great new start for me and I am really looking forward to it.  I'm excited about my position, my new colleagues and a new city full of new friends, food and fun.  But it all comes at a cost.  I am leaving behind a condo with a mortgage attached and I am unsure when it will be rented.  I sold my car, so now I have to use the barely there transportation system in Atlanta.  This in turn makes a difference as to where I live and the length of my commute and affects my quality of life.  I have to live near a bus or train stop and a grocery store.  My social life will be pretty limited.  I can afford less apartment because of the mortgage and so I'll be downsizing and selling some belongings or donating them.  

I don't tell you this because it is a complaint.  I am telling you because I want you to understand what I am going through.  And if you are also a recovering from unemployment, I am sure that you know what I mean.  The excitement of working again is sometimes overshadowed by the daunting task of getting your life back on track.  

While I was job searching, I always dreamt of all the ways in which I would spend those paychecks: shoes, new clothes, a new car, makeup, dresses, going to nice dinners, a cat tree for the cats, birthday presents for my nieces and more shoes.  And that is just on the first shopping trip.  But in all honestly, it isn't like that.  

Paychecks will pay a mortgage and a rent, medical bills, my credit card balance, a new car (at some future point) and whatever other regular expenses I have.  Normal life won't exactly return for some time.  In the meantime, I am back to a one bedroom apartment with my kitties.

House hunting has presented a plethora of options.  Currently, the top contender is an 850 square foot recently renovated unit in a small, quaint place.  It is tucked away inconspicuously, just like I feel like I would like to be.  It isn't anything near the type of neighbourhood I have come to love.  In fact, quite the opposite.  I do feel a little sad, or maybe more than a little sad, that everything is about to change.  

In the midst of everything good and positive happening, there are still a lot of negative emotions like sadness, loss and loneliness lurking around every corner.  I have come to accept that these are both just part of life and particularly, part of this experience.  

It's kind of like those sweet and salty snacks...delightful.  

Back By Popular Demand

Okay, okay, a few of you asked that I continue the blog and I cannot disappoint a captive audience!  I will be updating and improving the blog to reflect my new status as employed, and you can all continue to follow the adventures, or misadventures, in Atlanta.

Since I am starting the 23rd already, I will be headed down to ATL again on Saturday in order to look for housing, for a week.  I haven't really even unpacked from NYC and the cats have not become unattached from my side and I am leaving already again.

I am looking forward to this trip in general as I am feeling much more excited about the entire process as I now have a plan!  Also, I get to see a great friend for a day or two who will be helping me.  He always makes me feel much calmer about things, and as I have not seen him in a year and half, it will be great to see him.

Tomorrow I go get drug tested and fingerprinted for my new position.  I have to go to some random place outside of my walkable area, so I will have to figure out a bus to take.  Seriously, I am wishing I had not sold my car, but I did and that is that.  

So, step 1: house hunt; step 2: pack, pack, pack; step 3: take the kittens and start the new job; step 4: buy a car; step 5: unpack and enjoy!

And now, I will go prep for step 1: bottle of vino, laundry and packing.  Oh, how fun!

150-something posts later...

...and I can say I am officially employed!!  I have been keeping very mum about the whole thing, although I did refer once or twice to the opportunity.  While I am immensely happy and excited about this, my dream job, it hasn't all really hit me yet.  

On August 23, I will begin working with my colleague and mentor, in a VP/Compliance Analyst position for a mutual fund complex.  I will be moving to Atlanta, GA for the opportunity and couldn't be happier to be in the south.  Okay, so really it is all about being among a lot of black men.

Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me, kept up with me and prayed for me during this long, difficult year.  I am definitely a different person than when I started this blog and grateful to have finally found such an amazing opportunity to continue my career.  

I went on interviews while I was in NYC for this position.  I had also gone on an interview to Boston and they were the most brutal interviews I had ever been through in my life.  A pop Portuguese quiz even, from the director of the LATAM (Latin American) offices.  Turns out my Portuguese was better.  Although, I am fairly certain I failed the logic test, in which I also had to show my work.  I may have gotten the right answers, but probably through my own creative logic that made sense to no one else.  But having had that experience just helped me to see that, when I got to Atlanta, that job was going to be the right choice.  I love how that worked out; I was so worried I would have to choose between two great jobs, but fortunately the path was quite clear.

I am looking forward to starting a new chapter in Atlanta a week after my 30th birthday.  I don't know too many people there, just as I did not when I came to the Queen City, so it will again be a challenge, but one that I know I can easily conquer.  In fact, that is the least of my worries.  I am more concerned with finding housing and moving.  And, since I sold my car, I am going to have to buy a new one.

There is much to do between now and then, so for now, I bid adieu.  I am not sure I will continue to blog, although I could change the name of the blog and turn it into the Real Single Lady of Atlanta.... who knows.  Thanks for reading and thanks for your support...it has meant a lot knowing that perfect strangers read what I have to say.

Home is Where the Heart is

Life is once again as it should be.  Having been reunited with my cats early this morning, around 2am, I feel at home once again while at the same time missing NYC immensely.  My sister's wedding in Portland, ME this weekend was beautiful.  The setting was Portland Head Light in the background of the sailboat, within inches of the Atlantic Ocean.  I only say inches because if I thought, for a moment, that I was in the ocean, I would have had a panic attack.  The bride was gorgeous, the groom was handsome and the guests were delightful.

After a day of touring the Maine coast, we headed back to my "home" city.  We being my parents and I.  A long 16 hour car ride later, we arrived at Casa de Me.  It was so strange seeing the cats again and it took them just a little bit to adjust to me, sniff everything and get used to me again, but I could tell they were delighted to have company.  In fact, they have not left my side once since I have been home.  Fiona is perched next to me, within inches, anywhere I settle and softly purring almost constantly.  Portia is lazily lounging nearby as well and both follow me whenever I get up.  It feels like home, but then again it doesn't feel like home.

I had coffee with my friend who was cat sitting for me and we had so much to catch up on; but it was so easy and so wonderful to see him once again.  It was like no time had passed at all.

After spending six weeks in NYC, I feel particularly rejuvenated.  I am so fortunate that I had the means with which to do the trip, make friends and make a success out of the temporary stay.  No, I did not get a job in NYC, but I gained my confidence back.  It feels good knowing I made the right decision to go there.  Now, I feel like I can do anything.  I never have to wonder if I could make it in a big city.  I never have to look back and regret not taking a chance.

And, while all the personal satisfaction of doing a great thing is rewarding, what I am most happy about is seeing my friends again.  It has been a difficult road, this unemployment thing, losing friends, sometimes keeping myself secluded, being sad and depressed, and on and on....the whole range of emotions, ups and a lot of downs.  But the support I have had from everyone, whether they have seen me off or are welcoming me back, or both...I am eternally grateful and happy that I know some of the most amazing people.  

Between those who I have met and who have helped me in NYC, and those back home who have supported me through thick and thin, I have made a lifetime of friends.  EB, KK, GG, ED, AD, SL, SR, SR2, TS, SC....I'm sorry if I missed anyone, and the list could definitely go on.  

It is hard knowing that I will soon move on even from this place, to start a new chapter of my life.  But I am strong.  I am ready.  And as for where I will call home?  Well, home is where the heart is.  

The Secret Life of Cats

 

Have you ever felt too hot, lazy and unmotivated to do anything other than lay on the couch and sleep?  That is pretty much how I feel today.  I think I lost some sleep time this weekend.  While I got totally stood up by the Kid...he even called to say he was on his way but never showed up...I still didn't go to bed until 3:30am on Saturday night/Sunday morning and then I was up by about 10am or so.  And last night, I guess it was more like around 2am and I was up by 9am.  

I do have some work to do today, however, and some calls to make and a few follow-ups to do.  But as usual, I think that writing a blog post was more fun and energizing.  Also, this is energizing:

This is the stuff that has been keeping me hydrated.  I remember from my days in Brasil that during a long day on the beach, in the sun, laying in a hammock and maybe eating shrimp and a casquinha if you can find one, you have probably also been offered several aguas de coco....coconut water, straight from the coconut.  If there is a coconut tree right near your hammock, you probably saw someone scramble up it, chop off a coconut and hack off the top and insert a straw.  If you're smart, you will drink a lot of these in order to keep yourself hydrated. 

Coconut water has more electrolytes than leading sports drinks and more potassium than two bananas.  It is also a very natural way to keep yourself hydrated.  Sometimes it takes a bit to get used to the flavour, so I generally purchase the kind with pineapple flavour and of course, chilled is much better than warm, in my opinion.  

So, stay cool and stay hydrated.

What Happens After Dark in NYC?

So, since I was updating my Facebook status like every half hour tonight, I thought I should just blog about my hot date tonight...with myself and almost the NYFD.  

Mr. Hottie decided to check in via text at 7:30pm by saying, "Hey, how's it going?"  And told me not to be mad if he didn't reply right away because he was in Long Island with poor reception.  Funny thing is, I am pretty sure that anywhere as populous as Long Island probably has decent if not good coverage.  So I asked if he was blowing me off.  Oh no, babe and hun... ha ha ha. Sorry, I am 29 years old, babe and honey don't work on me any more.  He wasn't blowing me off, he was helping a friend out, but he would be home by 11pm.  But he would make it up to me.  The funny thing is, I really don't care enough for this to bother me.  I kind of can't wait to tell him off.  I am getting mean in my old age.  

So, I am watching BET...movie night.  And there is a Christmas movie on right now.  Wow, how lame do I have to be to be watching a Christmas movie on a Saturday night at midnight?  Somewhere between shopping for shoes online and Googling "pumpkin gnocchi in NYC" I decided that it was snack time (yes, I feed a lot when I am bored or sad or homesick), so I remembered I had some popcorn and that last time I made it, it could have been in a little longer.  The popcorn button had said 3.5, so I figured if I popped it for just over three and half minutes there wouldn't be so many old maids. 

The flaw in this logic lies in the popcorn button saying 3.5 but not necessarily meaning 3.5 minutes.  When I stopped the microwave about a minute early and opened it, smokey steam was emanating and as soon as I opened the bag, the same just poured out and soon the kitchen was filled with a burnt popcorn smokey haze.  I panicked a little and climbed into the sink and onto the backsplash/ledge to open the window.  I hope no pigeons fly in as they have been known to do.  Then I put the fan on high and I am hoping that eventually, the burnt popcorn smell will fade.

I have uh, encountered a pot smoke haze here once or twice, so I guess my little episode of the evening is payback.  Payback, I hear, is a bitch.

Oh, and while searching for pumpkin gnocchi, I did come across a warm hazelnut chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream and pistachio anglaise cream at Spiga.  I may have to visit Spiga before I leave if for no other reason than I love Italian food and Via Spiga.  Yes, I know there aren't any Via Spiga shoes there, but wouldn't it be great if there were?  

Where, oh where did my patience go?

Readers, forgive me, it has been two days since my last post.  It seems like two weeks.  Last night I hung out with my NYC bestie.  We got some wine and cheese and hung around her place.  I elected to spend the night on her very comfy and fashionable sofa/futon thing.  I really did not feel like going home.

Today I spent some time shopping at Macy's since they were having a huge one day sale.  While doing my laundry this morning I looked at my unmentionables and they all had holes where holes shouldn't be and I thought about the last time I had bought new ones.  I could not remember.  Hence the trip to Macy's near Herald Square.

Everyone who did not exit the city this weekend was headed downtown.  Construction was going on at my usually 110th Street subway stop, so I walked down to 96th Street, then transferred to the Q.  It was so crazy full, I kept passing cars and deciding that, as small as I am, I was not going to fit.  I finally found a me-sized spot and hopped on.  Unfortunately, tall people co-exist with short people and on stuffed subway cars, this can lead to getting elbowed in the head.  I said, "Ouch!" because it hurt and all the dude had to say was, Sorry.  Not even, Are you ok?  

Whatever.  This was to set a precedence for the day.  I had the most amazing luck exiting the subway to appear directly in front of each of my destinations, without planning it, and the worst luck getting pushed, elbowed, walked on, shoved, backed into and whatever other atrocity busy subway and retail shopping meccas could afford to bestow upon me.  I totally got rude and annoyed in response to such invasions of my personal space and well-being.  My polite Midwest nice has been disappeared. It took precisely 37 days.

Next week, I will be headed to Atlanta for...wait for it...an interview.  I am very excited about this opportunity and in preparation, am watching ATL while typing this particular post.  Ha ha ha.  It was purely coincidental that it is on BET right now and nothing else worth watching, so I though I'd do some homework.

I also think I am getting stood up or getting the brush off for this evening.  I was supposed to hang out with the Bengali last night but we both kind of had other plans and then we agreed to hang out tonight but now I can't get a hold of him to make plans.  It's all good though.  I feel like having a quiet, low-key night anyways.  And my feet hurt because I had to walk back from 96th Street to 109th.  

In other news, it seems that Fiona hides from her care taker, except when he brings over a hand held vacuum and turns it on.  Apparently she is quite fascinated by it and comes out as soon as he turns it on.  I also have 2 people looking at my condo tomorrow and my sister has decided to get married at the end of the month after all, so I will be travelling to Portland, ME for the weekend.  

Well...feeding time again, and I am thirsty in this ridiculous heat, so... keep it real, I'll be back soon.

Homesick...Wha ??? Me?!

Yes, I am feeling desperately, madly homesick today.  Why?  I don't know why.  I just think it is one of those things that you feel after oh...35 days away from home.  I cannot believe it has been 35 days already!  It seems like time has just flown right by and that it has been only two weeks or so.  I miss my kittens.  I miss the sandy beach of....Michigan.  Oh, yes, that is how homesick I am.  MICHIGAN HOMESICK! 

I have been fantasizing all day about digging sand on Lake Michigan with my nieces.  Of course, I have also been daydreaming about taking my oldest niece to see Mary Poppins on Broadway.  I have really come to love the city, everything that it has to offer, my new friends, but honestly, there is just nothing like being settled, having your own cats curled up with you, knowing where all the good hang out spots are and being able to call on dozens of friends at any given time to come hang out with you.

When I left Michigan three and a half years ago, I only had one friend.  Yep, true story.  I missed him a lot, but we both moved to other cities to start lives there.  Leaving Cincinnati has been much different.  I understand how you can get so attached to people, your friends.  I see what it is like to look at Facebook and see everyone's lives moving on, in an amazing demonstration of constant progress and movement.  I love to see what they are doing, but am not there to do it with them!  I see FB posts of what my favourite, local bars are doing...the events, the specials, the hotdog of the day at Senate....it all seems so familiar and so distant. 

My NYC Style Weekend

It started off Friday night, visiting with my new friend.  She has a really cute, clean and lovely apartment on the Upper East Side.  Not to mention the cutest little pet ferret that I have every had the pleasure of meeting.  Did you know that ferrets sleep almost all day long?  I met her sister-in-law as well, who was coming in to celebrate her first wedding anniversary (her husband was coming in on Saturday morning).  We had pizza at Gino's, down the street, and a few beers.  Then it was time for me to meet a handsome young man for a first date.

He is quite handsome, 25 years old and Bangladeshi.  Or Bengali...I am not sure what they exactly prefer to be called.  After bar hopping around the Upper East Side, a quick trek to see Times Square at night and the South Street Seaport, I finally got home around 5am.  

A short recovery day later, I went to dinner Saturday night with my roommates and a group of their friends.  The funniest part of the evening that I can remember, is being told by one of the guys that when he first saw me, he thought I was going to be a downer throughout the evening, that I would be boring, but in fact, that was not the case.  Ah yes, young man-boy, you have met a self-assured and confident woman who knows what she wants and is not afraid to be truthful and straight forward, and not afraid to be who she is.  I am sure this must be a refreshing change from the game-playing, uncertain girls of an early 20-something age.  I remember I used to be the same way.  But it makes me feel that, when I turn 30 next month, I will indeed have earned my third decade badge.  

We ate, we drank, we danced.  I left.  I think I had decided I had had enough and went to meet up with another friend who promptly sat me down, made me drink an espresso and a glass of water, then took me home in a cab.  He had the cab wait while he walked me upstairs and made sure I got inside okay.  A very, very good friend.  I am pretty lucky.

Sunday was spent pretty much in recovery mode.  I went to get coconut water with a few of the guys, then we went to breakfast at the diner whose store front serves as the front for the diner in Seinfeld where Jerry and friends frequent.  The inside is not the same, but the outside is what is used for that shot.  The food comes extremely quickly.  I had half of a bagel and a sausage before I decided that was all that my stomach was going to take.  We watched the World Cup final and afterwards, I made some calls and went for a walk and ate some dinner.

Today was a productive day again, paying bills and returning a bunch of phone calls.  I fielded another random call from a recruiter from a place I had never heard of.  Since I have updated my location information online, I have received several calls in the NYC area.  It's a good sign, I believe.

I really feel like I am ages and universes away from where I was mere months ago.  Today, I removed the ex-man-boy, T, from my Facebook friends.  Yep, so significant, right?  I have not thought about him in a while and while perusing my friends list, took a look at his page and decided that I no longer needed any connection.  He made it clear months ago that I could go eff myself, so....I guess it was just time.  No, T, it isn't that nothing will ever be good enough for me, it's just that you won't be good enough for me.  

Well, that is all for now in the misadventures of an unemployed person...stay tuned for more news soon!

Family Legends and Shorts

Have you ever noticed how in Walker, Texas Ranger that Chuck Norris, a white guy, wears a black hat and his partner, Clarence Gilyard, a black man, wears a white hat.  Just an observation.  I think Walker's right hand man, Jimmy Trivette, was one of my first black crushes when I was a teenager.  Since I grew up without television, I would watch the show when I babysat.  I thought the show was the coolest, ever.  After all, I wanted to be a police officer when I grew up and I even dreamt of being a Texas Ranger (and have a hot black partner who was every bit a gentleman as Trivette).

Family legend has it that a great-great-great-uncle on my mum's side of the family was a Texas Ranger way back in the day.  He came home one day, found his wife in bed with another man, shot him and was never seen from again.  Yep, that is my ancestry.  Very classy.

The best thing to happen so far this week was receiving a box in the mail today.  I am so grateful for my friend who is putting up with Ms. Hissy Face Fiona and took the time to pack some towels and a sheet, a pillow case, running shoes, ibuprofen, my mail and tea and sent it to me.  Oh, and a very important binder with secret information...okay, not really secret, just some notes from previous interviews, etc. that I will need soon.

So apparently, Fiona Hissy Face has not been showing herself when my friend comes over.  But recently she has taken to sitting on the stairs to the second floor and just meoooowws defensively and swipes at him with her claws.  All this from the cat I thought would be the most friendly.  Instead, it is Portia who comes out to play and purr.  I am a little confused as to what to do about Fiona and why she is acting this way.  I know it is because things have been disrupted; I am not there, and she has to deal with a stranger (stranger to her), but I thought of the two kitties, she was the most adaptable.  Any suggestions as to what to do, readers?

In other news, I am wearing....shorts!!  I cannot believe it; I hate shorts.  But, seeing as how I did not pack very well for an extended stay (I have brought several suits and business clothes and have worn only half of them), but I go through my casual clothes pretty quickly, wearing the same thing repeatedly. Not a great idea when it is this hot and I turn into a little ball of sweat and grime.  Since I came here, my face has been the worst and I have mini break-outs; at the end of the day, I just feel this layer of greasy, grimy ickiness and I just want to exfoliate every other hour.  Today is supposed to be 80% humidity.  Anyways, so I bought a cheap pair of shorts for just every day walking around.  

Yep, this is my exciting life.

New York State of Mind

My goal was to post every single day this month, but I failed miserably last night.  I had gone out to meet someone for drinks, had 2 Stellas and alas, I was super sleepy by 10pm.  Well, actually, raging headache by 9pm and zero energy.  I made myself stay up until maybe 11pm or so, since I seem to have this habit of thinking I am tired, but once I get in bed, can lie awake for hours and hours which is really annoying.

For those of you who know me well, you know that one of my top 5 values is connection.  Connection meaning having meaningful friendships, relationships, connections with others.  Not having this makes me sad and mopey.  Which is how I felt last week.  Bored and lonely, mostly.  So, I put an ad on craigslist for friends.  Yes, I will admit to doing this.  No, I am not ashamed.  I am also resourceful and know how to make things happen.

I figured this: I don't have hoards of money to be going out in this awfully expensive town in order to make friends.  And can you really make good friends by randomly meeting strangers while inebriated in a bar?  My shortest distance from point A (bored/lonely) to point B (having meaningful girl friendships) was craigslist, so I could state exactly what I was looking for.  So, I met a nice girl last night who was the first to respond to my ad.

She is cute and petite like me, very intelligent and around the same age, so I am happy to report that we got along well and will be hanging out again.  I keep chuckling to myself that it all seems like the same steps as in dating.

But the reason for the title of today's post is this: while I was going to meet her last night, I was walking up Amsterdam around 80th and of course I am pretty absorbed in my own thoughts, so when someone starts yelling, "Excuse me, ma'am" I don't really pay attention.  I feel invisible among all the people here anyway and really...ma'am?  Do I look like a ma'am?  It totally did not register so I kept walking.  Then I hear footsteps behind me and realize this kid is actually calling me.  I turn around and there is this 6', overweight obviously gay kid who I imagine was in his early twenties at the most, urgently calling me.

Normally, if someone were to call to me like this in the innocent and nice Midwest, I would assume I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe, or that I had just dropped something important on the street.  It was that kind of urgent, important, "Ma'am, excuse me, ma'am!"  But, with a relatively simple ensemble consisting of a dress, shoes and a zipped closed purse, I couldn't imagine that I had accidentally parted with anything, or if I had something stuck to my shoe, I could tolerate that for another block or so.  I did not think it smart to turn around and entertain this fellow.  Yet he starting walking after me, although not at a close distance.

I will take this opportunity to mention that almost every other time that I go out and about, someone is asking me for directions.  Usually a foreign tourist.  It happened yesterday when I went to grab some lunch.  I wonder if I look helpful or perhaps just non-threatening?  It is funny that I look like I belong here.  

Considering that when I turned to look at him, I did not get the idea that this bloke was a foreign tourist at all (the effeminate, perfect English was also a big hint), and thinking about my safety, I kept walking, made no motion or expression that I was about to entertain whatever it was he was going to say to me, and kept moving.  He literally jogged halfway down the block, as much as his overweight, large frame would allow him to jog.  His pleadings became more urgent.  His clothes had not indicated he was homeless and for the life of me, could not figure out what he wanted, and still, I kept walking.

He finally gave up and shouted, "Bitch" at me and at the corner, I crossed over, surreptitiously checked back over my shoulder and he was not in sight.  I have experienced in other places in the city, young gay men asking me how much I pay for a hair cut and then, they open these binders with collages of magazine pictures of hair-dos and try to ask more questions.  I still don't know the point or what they are trying to sell because I don't stop to talk but they are very persistent.  This kid didn't have one of these binders so I am at a loss for what he could possibly have wanted.  Let me rephrase, at a loss for what honest and true thing he could have possibly wanted.  

And that is my NYC story for the day.  Today I slept in pretty late, but at least the headache is gone and I feel more well rested.  It is time for another round of laundry, considering my shortage of casual clothing, and then perhaps because it is only supposed to be in the 80's today, I will run an errand.

In the realm of job search: things are still brewing.  I was turned down for a position for which I recently interviewed, but it was not my dream job so I am fine with that.  They were, however, so impressed with me during the interview that they will keep my resume on the top of the pile for other positions.  I am a little surprised, because I hadn't thought I was that stellar in the phone interview.  But, hey, I am pretty awesome, so I should expect that, right?  Right.  

PSA

I had the infinite pleasure today, of being on speaker phone with my kittens!!!  I heard little Portia darling meow when she heard my voice and my neighbour who facilitated the conversation said he had not seen her eyes light up so much since he had been watching the cats.  And then she was at the door, looking for me.  It was amazing to me that she could actually recognize my voice and she was excited about it.  Apparently Fiona did not make an appearance and has been the reluctant cat. We are going to try to Skype with the cats sometime this week too.  I am so excited to see how my cats respond to seeing me. 

That is all.  Carry on.

Oh, and it is really hot here.

As you were.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt, La Sorbonne, Paris, 1910

I read this quote this morning after a call with my life coach.  It is an excerpt from a speech made by Theodore Roosevelt given at the Sorbonne on April 23, 1910.  The content of the call with my life coach was mostly regarding the many decisions I am facing in the near future.  The decisions, while not necessarily imminent or certainties, include: New York or Atlanta; what to do if I have no job or condo rented by end of August; what happens if there is no UC benefit extension at the end of August; a potential relationship and how to handle it.  That is the stuff my dust and sweat and blood are made of.  

"...his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."  This resonates with me the most.  Or perhaps it is the most uplifting, encouraging and reassuring.  The tastes of victory and defeat have graced my palate.  Defeat is bitter and acridly flavoured; victory, sweet victory, is the taste that I want lingering on my tongue.  

Pictures

Larry and Mo, the pigeons who make the window ledge of our apartment their home.  Once they flew into the apartment.

My view from the couch where I update my blog and search for jobs.

One half of my room.

The other half of my room.

I have decided to stay in for the day.  I am using the excuse that, even though it is a holiday, it is so hot out (95 degrees) and anywhere I go in the city, it is liable to be crowded and I just don't feel like being swamped by thousands of hot, sweaty people in a sweltering city.  I debated going to fireworks, but just being in huge crowds in a relatively unknown place, by myself, does not appeal to me.  

So...I have been watching tele, took a nap and bought some cereal and ice cream.  I am not much of an ice cream fan, but I do like Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar ice cream and it was really hot out.  I am trying to keep up with my water consumption so I don't get dehydrated.  

In job search news, last week and this week will be slow because of the holidays.  I was submitted for a position at a National Ratings Service, but it was closed with a 6 month contract, but there will be 2 more positions instead.  I've also been submitted at a large firm based in Chicago which has a compliance position in their asset management division here in NYC.  They are a good firm to work for and pay well.  My original resume submission apparently got lost and had to be resent.  

Right now, everything is slow in the business.  Vacations and summer will definitely get in the way of hiring.  I am hoping that I will receive some kind of news on interviews this week, but realistically, it will probably be next week.  

A phone interview that I had this past Tuesday went well and the hiring manager commented that I have a great resume and shouldn't have trouble getting hired.  I'm not sure if that indicates he isn't interested in my experience for his role.  With all of the regulatory reform about to take place, there should be a greater need for compliance officers.  I'm continuing to update all of my online resumes with my NYC address and I also got a call about a possible contract position in Newark, NJ.  They want me to come in for an interview and I will have to follow up with them next week to schedule it.  And, it is 38a-1 compliance.  

I have 2 months of certain unemployment benefits remaining, so I am racing against the clock.  I need to rent my condo and find a job.  I'd settle for just finding a job right now.  I miss working so much.  I miss putting on a crisp suit, my tall heels and walking down the street, outwardly confident and self-assured.  I miss the excitement I get from reviewing business practices, reading new regulations and amendments, interpreting them, developing forensic testing and writing reports.  

It's going to happen soon.  Right?

SATC Episode I

After feeling so lonely and really missing my friends back home (it sounds funny to call it home), a friend here asked me to hang out last night.  I, of course, wore a cute dress because I have a crush on him.  We had gone to lunch the first Monday I was here and then to dinner too, and he said he felt only a friend vibe, not the fireworks he was expecting.  But I am still attracted to him and he knows that.  So...in no uncertain terms, he told me that he needed me to maintain my professionalism and no getting wasted.  I had no intentions of getting wasted because of not knowing how the evening would go and not wanting to be that girl...the one that gets sloppy drunk and starts flirting but keeps getting rejected.  I wanted to play it cool.

A quick glass of wine at his favourite corner bistro, then off to the Meat Packing District to a biergarten.  By cab, which was my first cab ride in NYC.  The biergarten was really crowded and so we bought our beer tickets and he took my hand (I so felt like a little kid whose dad didn't want her to get lost) and we made our way to his friends.  He was on the look out for a girl to talk to, and we talked to some of his friends.  He was bull shitting with the birthday boy (who turned 30, was married and had a 19 month old boy) and then turned to me to tell me that was just something he had to do, not something that he liked doing (the bull shitting bit).  It was amazing how easily he turned on the BS (and how well, I might add), then turned to me and it would be the real him.  Then he expounded on the fact that between us both, we had more brains than all the women combined there.  Brains, he said, were the single most important attribute he was looking for in a woman.  

I am not even sure what happened or how, but long story short....we somehow managed the fireworks that evening.  At one point, a girl walked by and told us what a cute couple we were.  Neither of us really said anything; I was still playing it cool.  Some guy also walked up to me and said, Wow, you're really short!  I think he meant it as a pick up line or something, because he postured in a way that meant he wanted to talk to me.  My friend swooped in (rather quickly, I might add), put his arm around me and steered me away.  

He has always taken care of me well when we go out, making sure I'm not hungry or thirsty, makes me take vitamins (ha!), and generally just "coddles" me as he says.  He makes sure I know which train to get on, walks me there, wants me to tell him when I get home.  He gives me advice on being safe in the city and what to watch out for.  The first time we went to dinner, I insisted on paying my half (he let me).  I even offered last night, but he took care of everything.  He is polite, opens doors for me in a not showing off way, but in a natural, I always do this sort of way.  Good manners are important to him.  It's the first time in a long time that a man has taken care of me so well and I must admit that it is hard to let him do so.

That's not to say the situation is not confusing.  We agreed to see each other again and we did discuss a little bit why the sudden change of heart on his part.  He knows that I have remained interested in him.  The thing is, I played it cool all night.  When he was on the look out for smart birds, I showed no distress and humoured him.  But perhaps my brain and my charms won him over...

Ah....seems like an episode of Sex and the City.

10 Tips for Living in NYC

1. Must be tall and skinny.  You can see over the crowds on the street, and will look good in all the latest fashions, such as this one.
2. Wear a black knit dress, preferably with a belt, cinched casually around your skinny little waist to show that you have no hips or ass.  Dress up with great accessories.
3. Buy cuffed sandals and wear them with your black knit dress.  It would be nice if they were gold or silver, or some shiny metallic colour, but black and brown ones will do just fine too.
4. Rush to get everywhere.  Run if you must, to show your sense of urgency.  Get exasperated if the train doors don't close quickly enough for you.
5. Be fashionable at all times and look effortlessly and perfectly styled.
6. If you are a man, impeccable grooming and having lots of quid to spend on women is a must.  Otherwise they won't give you the time of day.  
7. Grocery shop daily instead of weekly or even less often, unless you eat out on a regular basis.  Since you have to carry everything to the train or walk from the store to home, and carry the bags at least three flights of stairs, it just makes sense to not have a lot of heavy bags.
8. Do not be easily distracted.  There are lots of people, noises, lights, smells and shiny objects (sometimes in the form of overly sequined clothes), so you must be able to focus on walking so you don't walk into people.  
9. Have your iPod handy and in use at almost all times.  On the subway, while shopping or walking down the street, you must have those little earbuds in your ears.  It shows a lack of connection to the outside world and this is tre chic. 
10. Survival instincts (powers of observation and the art of imitation).  It's a jungle out there, kids.

The good news:  I have moved, everything is so close (no taking 1 hour train rides to find a sit down coffee place), my roommates are great and I like my tiny bedroom.  The bad news:  Starbucks is within walking distance.  

This morning I got up around 9am and one roomie was already gone to work and the other was getting ready for work.  My air mattress has to come up off the floor (practically takes up the rest of the floor not occupied by the desk and chair).  I sort of wish that I had had the previous girl leave her loft bunk bed, but I figure I can use the air mattress anywhere else that I happen to land, without having to go to to much trouble. My room even has a window AC unit that keeps the room very cool; I even turned it off half way through the night.  

I went to the Duane Reade around the corner and discovered it was not the same as the posh DR that is across from my friend's place near Central Park.  Ah, ghetto stores...I feelz home!  I bought laundry detergent in these handy little packets that you just throw in with your clothes...they look like the kind you throw in your dishwasher.  I also bought a bottle of Clorox disinfecting spray...with which I will clean the entire kitchen today...it is getting a scrub down!  Also bought rubber gloves (I hate touching other peoples' dirty dishes and who knows what is in there) and some sponges.  

Later, I will go to the laundromat and wash my clothes, I think and after the kitchen and fridge get a scrub down, I will perhaps buy some food.  

The only thing missing are my cats and my friends!  

Moving Day

I am making a big deal about moving day, but as someone pointed out, aren't I just moving one suitcase?  Yes, but you see, it is a 50+ pound suitcase, half my own weight and it is two hours and two trains away.  Plus I have accumulated another bag.  Then I have to go buy an AeroBed and wait for my sheets and towels to arrive.  Exhausting work!  I am actually just intimidated by getting on the subway with all that.  I may decide to use a taxi or car service, but it won't be cheap.  

But you know what I like best about moving day?  I can drink a beer in the middle of the day if I want to.  I mean, don't all moving days include beer and pizza?  Both of which I had for my lunch a few minutes ago.  What I dislike is that it is just another situation to adjust to, as I have never before had roommates.  And these are 26 year old boy roommates.  I shall call them man-boys, because they have graduate degrees and are working currently.  So, 26 year old man-boys.  

I am leaving behind Sasha Scaredy Cat and my hostess on Coney Island, and I am sure I will be welcomed into the arms of the city, which shall promptly swallow up my savings with such available amenities as dry cleaning, laundromats, bars, restaurants and all other sorts of entertainment and necessities one could ever imagine wanting or needing.  

Before I leave, however, I must pack, take a shower and shave my legs and go find an ATM and some cash.  Oh, and I do have to give a recruiter a call.  My, I am exhausted just thinking about all of that.  I think I will take a nap first, since I did not get much sleep last night.... zzzz...zzzzzzzzzz...zzzzzzzzzzzz

Holy Catfish Batman

Heavens to Mergatroid.  Today has required a heroine-like patience, endurance and determination.  Fortunately, I am Sunshine Super Girl and this was...is...will be...possible.  Let's take a look at my day.

8:57 - Wake up and decide to go to Starbucks for coffee and wi-fi, do some work.

9:05 - Discover that there are only 2 Starbucks on Coney Island.  Also check out where the local Bed Bath and Beyond stores are located; Coney Island store will be an hour and half bus trip away.  Decide to pick up air mattress for new room at the locations 15 minutes by subway away from new place after I check in to the new room Tuesday night.  Consider going mattress-less for a night since I don't have sheets anyways, but decide a 15 minute trip is not that bad.

9:34 - Talk to hostess to let her know that I will be out of her place Tuesday evening and let her know my schedule for the day.  Opt not to take a shower because walking to bus and from bus to Starbucks is going to be sweaty anyways.  Bus ride includes sitting behind a girl who constantly did, undid, redid her hair, over and over and over until I had to shut my eyes because it was giving me a headache.  Cursed myself for not eating before I left. 

9:58 - Discover that Starbucks is a drive-thru only.  Curse.  Curse again.  Curse more, very loudly.  Decide to take the N train to an undetermined stop and find a coffee shop. Start thinking about cost of shipping items from home to NYC versus cost of buying a towel and some sheets.

10:34 - Depart on N train and decide on Canal Street after waiting 15 minutes for it to leave the station.  Feeling sticky, sweaty and putrid not to mention exhausted.

11:37 - Get off subway, look for Starbucks on the highly distracting Canal Street.  Figure out the beta walking directions on Google Maps for iPhone are always wrong.  Roll eyes and try to suck it up.  Heroine-like patience instituted immediately.  Walk back the way I came from.

11:48 - Discover that I walked by Starbucks less than 100 yards away from subway exit.  Curse.  Patience nearly completely evaporated.  Must re-fuel with caffeinated, iced beverage before all sanity is lost. 

12:02 - Imbibe caffeine filled, sugary coffee on ice.  Feel very sweaty and decide a shower this evening is a must.  Smell myself and groan.  

12:06 - Discover one must pay for wi-fi in Starbucks, wonder how I did not know this before.  Use iPhone to look for nearest library which is .6 miles away in Chinatown. Decide to talk to oldest sister and niece for a while.  Suddenly want to burst into tears because I miss my cats so much.  Yes, Cat Lady, I am.

12:45 - Leave Sbux and walk through the very crowded streets of Chinatown and find library.  Faint smell of fish everywhere makes me want to gag.  Still have not eaten today.  

12:57 - Arrive at library and find it overrun with children.  Very loud children.  Inquire about restroom and told it is out of order (bladder gets extreme workout here).  "Quiet" work area is crowded, and I only find it after going upstairs, run into roped off area, go downstairs, find elevator only for disabled people, finally find stairs to crowded basement area.  I am the only non-Asian.  I can't find a seat near an outlet.

1:08 - Finally get logged onto blog, extremely slow internet.  Look around and see an Asian man watching half naked white women twist themselves into all sorts of contortions via YouTube.  Think I have landed in the Twilight Zone.  Wish my friend EB and I could have a drink this evening and laugh about the craziness.

1:12 - Consider going straight back to Coney Island, still haven't accomplished anything for the day, but decided writing a blog post is way better.  Feeling shaky after only having caeffeine for the day so far.

1:28 - Get a call from Atlanta stating the potential contract position turned into a full time position, but I am still wanted.  Brain, emotions go into overload.  A job.  A real, live, full time, benefits included, relo included job with someone I have always loved working with, not in NYC, job.  

1:38 - Happy on one level, must reposition thinking, need to use a restroom, am hungry, must make major decisions, miss cats. 

1:43 - Decide to leave crazy library to find working restroom and just think. 

List of Lists

Gross Things People Do on the Subway

1. Pick their nose
2. Trim their nails
3. Chew with their mouth open
4. Clean out their ears

Things I Wish I Had With Me

1. Portia and Fiona
2. My coffee maker
3. Sheets and towels
4. Work out clothes
5. Nail polish remover and nail clippers
6. Portia and Fiona

What I Bought on My First Grocery Store Trip

1. Bread
2. Peanut Butter
3. Garden Vegetable Pasta
4. Sundried Tomato Alfredo Sauce
5. Chicken Nuggets

Total cost: $13.98

What I Have Treated Myself to So Far

1. Starbucks (twice, but is it a splurge or a necessity?)
2. Pretzel
3. Butter Pecan Ice Cream
4. Peroni (just 1, I was watching the US v. Ghana game)

Total cost (approx.): $20

Conclusion: Clearly I need to stop treating myself.

What I Will Be Doing This Week

1. Praying that my condo gets rented
2. Moving into my new room
3. Phone Interview (because the hiring manager is located in Boston)
4. Buying/finding an air mattress for my new room.
5. Probably buying/finding sheets and towels too.
6. Doing laundry
7. Trying to figure out how to hang dry said laundry
8. Missing Portia and Fiona
9. Job Search Stuff
10. Go to the Met

I'm not sure if I miss my former city yet, but I definitely miss having all the amenities of my own place and of course, my babies, Portia and Fiona.  I miss them terribly, and while I try not to think about it, I do notice that at the end of a long day, I am looking around for little P-cat to look up at me with her big yellow eyes and want to sit on my lap.  Just the familiarity and comfortability of my two closest companions would be so, so nice.  

I found a room to rent, but I had to commit to 2 months.  I figure I will be here about that long anyways.  I will spend my 30th birthday here.  I will have to leave my kittens and be away from them for that long.  I will have to hope against hope that my condo will be rented, then I will have to deal with how to get it all packed up and stored.  And, at the end of August, unless the Senate and Congress pass an extension, I will be done with my benefits and probably will have to come home.  I can't fathom being without my cats for that long.  And, if nothing works out here in NYC, I still do have the possibility of the Atlanta contract possibly working out soon as well.  Something just has to give soon, and I believe it will.   

On today's menu, leftover vegetable pasta with sundried tomato alfredo sauce, chicken nuggets and popcorn.  I would love, love, love some ice cream to top off the 5 food groups, but you know...by the time I walked back from the store with it, it would have melted.  Tomorrow, I have promised myself ice cream or maybe a gelato pop.  Since I will be on the Upper West Side somewhere anyways, might as well try a gelato pop.

So, this whole housing thing... an adventure in craigslist tomfoolery.  Today I responded to an ad with a nice living room available; it was near Union Square and large enough to have a queen size bed in one corner.  It looked cute, but I needed to know more about the occupant; something didn't quite vibe with me.  Turns out he is a 62 year old man who...wait, here you go:

I'm honestly looking for a committment of at least 2 months, because this process of finding someone is rather tedious...On the other hand if you are willing to pay me $1500.00 for the month of July I can overlook the 2 month issue...I'm 62..have been doing this to help pay my rent for the last 14 months...Times are tough...My last 4 roomies have all been females between the ages of 22 & 35...I have a small dog that lives with me in the apt...Its a great location...

Umm...yeah, no thanks.  Pass.  I went to look at an apartment yesterday in Park Slope (did I mention this already?).  4 guys lived there and the stench emanating from the place, particularly in the basement where the room was located, was unbearable.  It was beat up, some of the cupboards were falling off hinges and in general, it was a hot mess...if I may introduce southern terminology to New York City.  Pass.

Let's see...oh yes, the "we'll mail you the keys" scam which my kind hostess warned me about.  Super cheap place in (insert desirable area here) because the family had to leave urgently for (insert random country here), and they are looking for someone who would care for the place as their own, so that is why it is reduced rent.  

Tomorrow I go to see a place where two 26 year old guys dwell and have just lost their roomie, Amy, to a job in Jersey.  The room won't be furnished, but Amy wants to sell her bed, desk and desk chair.  Well, I am sorry, but I do not want to buy Amy's bed, desk or desk chair.  Still, it could be a place to crash for a month, even if I don't have a bed.  

I am also expecting to hear from a girl on Monday to check out her room in an apartment she shares with 2 other girls.  This is my best option (I think) but she is away this weekend and invited me to come see the place on Monday.  

It seems like a lot of work, constantly checking craigslist, juggling the addresses, viewings, determining what is a scam and what isn't, and posting my own ads, looking for a place.  I even posted something on CouchSurfing, to see if anyone might have any solutions for me. 

Do I worry?  Yes and no.  Worry is just a little gremlin that goes by the name Limiting Belief that just needs to be squished.  Then he hangs his head in defeat and sulks away.  I am sure something will come up and I won't be completely homeless, right?

As for the weekend and what I'll be doing: it will probably involve good food and perhaps a glass of vino.  I'm certain I will be flying solo, but that's alright.  I guess I am going to have to learn how to do that in this big city where I am starting to understand why it's so hard to get to know people.

And now...I am so sleepy, I think I shall find something else to do.  Like sleep.