Progress Report

What an amazing week it's been so far!  Actually, the last two weeks have been crucial for me in networking, asking for recommendations and introductions and getting advice on my search and resume. 

Late last week, I reached out to many colleagues to recommend me on LinkedIn.  So far, I've received 6 additional recommendations and some which are very glowing.  This gave me the confidence that my reputation still stands strong and that even people I haven't reached out to in a while, still think highly of me.  It gives me courage to keep searching, knowing that I'm a great candidate.

I also have asked many people for introductions to connections, in order to get my resume in front of the internal recruiter or HR department.  I haven't yet seen the fruits of this labour, but I am hoping that this will happen soon.  I may need to get myself into NY/Boston area to be available for interviews, but I'm willing to do that.  

Today I spoke with an individual who is VP of Legal/Compliance for a large firm on the East Coast.  While with a previous company, he and his department were a key service provider, so he knew of me.  Another colleague of mine also asked him to speak with me and put in a good word.  He reviewed my resume and gave me some really wonderful insight and ideas for improvement, which I will work on tomorrow.  He also offered to give my information to recruiters who call him regularly, seeking viable candidates.  Awesome!!  

Tomorrow morning, I have an interview with HR for a local firm.  I've been working with them for some time now, trying to find a good position for me.  I'll be speaking with them about what I'm looking for and we'll talk about positions that are going to be coming down the pike soon.  It will be a great chance to practice interviewing and presenting what I'm looking for.  

Lastly, the opportunity to contract with a colleague in Atlanta is still a possibility and still in motion.  I'm particularly excited about this and am hopeful this will work out, giving me a chance to work with someone I greatly respect, can learn a lot from and refresh my skills.  Even though it would be short-term and not permanent, I believe it will be great for my resume and for getting me back in the mindset of being successful and confident, as well being a great way to re-enter the workforce.

My biggest obstacle is primarily juggling all of these things, along with the other responsibilities I now have, of eliminating belongings, getting my cats to my parents and packing and storing.  There will be decisions to make over all of this.  My sister's wedding is also coming up at the end of July and I have yet to figure out my travel and accommodations.  This, however, is the least of my concerns.  Mostly because I think I have it pretty figured out in my head and there's really nothing to decide.  I have to be there.  

The best part is my significantly improved mood and outlook on things.  I've been so lucky to have friends that have rallied around me and have been supportive.  I've had some minor work opportunities to keep me busy as well.  I feel like I'm reintegrating myself into being social butterfly once again.  I just really can't thank everyone enough, for their input, insight, support, friendship and connections.  It feels great, knowing that if you ask, 90% of people are willing to help.  To everyone who has stuck by me and has helped, I'm eternally grateful and hope someday I can return the favour. 

Who Wants to Give Me a Book Deal?

It is already a sunny, warm 75 degrees here, near the stinky, humid Ohio River.  It's will only get warmer and more humid, I guarantee.  My cats have already found the shady, darker corners of my condo and lay on the cooler, bamboo floors instead of their usual fleece blankets...maybe now I'll get to use my electric blanket while Fiona finds respite elsewhere.  Not that I want to, though.  It is hot!

Yesterday I helped a friend paint her new flat; she is renovating it and we also managed to pull up some old flooring in preparation for her new carpet to be laid tomorrow.  I'll be going back today, to help again.  It's been a lot of fun to hang out with her, and know that I'm being useful and helpful.  It beats sitting around the house, watching the cats keep cool.  

Today I'll also be meeting a friend who I haven't see for a while, and we'll eat our brown bag lunches in the center of the business district where she works.  She's having her first baby in August, a little girl.  It's exciting to see people moving in the direction of their lives.

Which brings me to mine.  I've devised a plan...yes, another plan.  I know, I know, I have a new one every other day, but there's nothing wrong with having options, right?  I've been reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Eat. Pray. Love. and it has inspired me.  Ms. Gilbert wanted to find a way to be closer to God, so she took reprieve from her regular life to live in Italy for four months, then in an Ashram in India, and now I'm to the part where she stays with a Balinese medicine man.  She's a professional writer so it was no thing for her to secure a book deal before she left, in order to tell her tale. 

Perhaps I don't write for my living, and never have, but I'm a great writer and I'm sure that given the opportunity to tell my story, readers could embrace it as their own.  That is, if they are an almost 30 year old single woman who was forced to give up her good job, home and car and reinvent herself.  And, if she doesn't know if she wants kids, doesn't know what the next step should be, and wants now to be someone different than before.  Haven't we all gone through that amazing journey of self-discovery?  Well, I suppose for some people it's easier than that.

This weekend, I went to a tarot card reader.  There was a neighbourhood festival and she happened to be there.  For a mere $10, a ten minute reading told me that I am a light and advanced being.  The lighter one is, however, the more complex.  The reader held my hand and was agitated that she had such a short amount of time for such a complex being.  But, she told me that the cards told her that I should let go of the controlling past (i.e. the responsibility, etc.) and there would be great change in my life.  That I needed to invoke my creativity as it was wanting desperately to be released.  She said there was travel in my future.  And that I would not get married for a while, maybe another 6-7 years.  She also saw lots of kids in my future (yikes!).  Perhaps they were my own, but perhaps also I am a teacher or something along those lines.  I have always dreamt of running an orphanage.  All my own little babies and kids to love and cherish, without having had to birth them.  Sounds quite ideal to me.  

So I'm looking for a book deal.  An advance would be nice so that I can afford my time abroad.  I think now is the time for me to just take a great, big leap into the world.  It's a little scary to decide to just roam the world for a while, but immensely exhilarating at the same time.  I'm sure friends will come visit when and where they can and want.  Perhaps I can also find a writing gig that at least pays a little bit, to support my travel habit.  

But now is the time for me to do this.  I'll never again get this chance.  I wish I'd done this 10 months ago, at the beginning of all this, but undoubtedly I wouldn't have gained from it what I believe I'll gain from it now.

If you know of anyone (perhaps yourself?) who wants to give me a book deal, please let me know!  If I want to change the world, I have to go see it first.

What No One Told Me

The last time I looked for a job, I was almost 18 years old.  I had been working at a grocery store in the deli with my older sister.  My father was also a night stocker (stocker, not stalker) there too and that is how both my sister and I landed our jobs.  We were, at first, queens of the baggers.  Well, she was, I was just her minion.  I was making a mere $4.85 an hour and it was with this money that I was to go to college.  I did some calculations in my ever-analytical mind and even a summer of 40-50 hours a week, that money was really going to have to stretch over tuition, books, a car, car insurance, room and board at my parents' house (oh, yes! $200 a month!), clothes, food, and whatever else I thought I needed or wanted.

So I applied at a national retail store, against the wishes and advice of my parents who told me I'd "never get the job" because we were religious and I was not allowed to work on Sundays.  But in fact, I did get the job and only a few months into my position as a shoe department clerk, I was offered a supervisory position and topped out my hourly wage at $8.50 by the time I left.  I was quite revered as a hard worker, willingly staying 15 hours a day during holiday season and earned a coveted spot in the return center, post-Christmas.  This is when I first fell in love with working and over-time.

By my sophomore year, I had been referred for 3 other part-time jobs.  One with my sister (you'll notice a pattern here) working part-time in a psychologists' office, another with my sister (see, I told you) working in the Honors College office and a position that would herald my career, with my sister's friend, as a file clerk for the asset management division of a local bank.  One position lead to another within the investment company, later acquired by a large super-regional bank and long story short, was promoted and transferred slightly closer to the Mason-Dixon line.  For a while, I worked 4 part-time jobs, so I could study in Brasil and eventually, sometime around 2003, dropped a night-time position with the retail store and focused on my engaging and intellectually stimulating career in investment management.

Since then, I have never had to look for a job.  Not really.  I did reach out to another firm, with whom I worked, and almost took a position but was so wary of the company's financial and regulatory standing that I didn't take the position.  But this time around, this is what no one told me: you can't do it all on your own.

You really can't.  Not in this business, not in this economy.  With the markets all wonky since the May 6 nose-dive, firms are engaging in more cya-ing than ever.  And they should, they have a fiduciary duty and are responsible to shareholders to remain strong and stable.  The good news in all of this may be that more and more compliance individuals will be needed to assess and monitor controls in trading, to ensure they do not inadvertently or otherwise contribute to a market flop.  

But I've realized in the last few weeks, while digging myself out of my hole, that I need help.  I have to squeeze every positive connection I've made over my almost 10 year career for what it's worth.  My name used to be worth its weight in million-dollar trade settlements (which is like gold).  I've shipped out Worldcom bonds during a gas leak which lead to our temporary eviction from our offices, using only my memory to dial the pertinent parties on my cell and my charm to get it done...a day before Worldcom all went to hell in a handbasket.  I made the top of the list to receive bonds that were short the entire street over, because I knew who to talk to and how to talk to them.  I never knew I'd be relying on trading my own name and reputation for a job, years later.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to pick up the phone and get the help I need.  I'm starting to do just that and I wish I'd done it sooner.  I just didn't think I'd have trouble finding a job all on my own.  I'm sure I'll find that more people are willing to help me than I first thought.  Don't be afraid and don't be shy.  If you have a good reputation, and people remember you for what you did for them, it's time to ask them what they can do for you.  I have discovered that colleagues who I didn't think I had a strong bond with, remembered me anyways and because of my reputation, they're willing to help me.  

This is the first piece of advice I'd give to anyone recently laid off: get on the phone and call everyone you think you have even a limited amout of credibility with, and ask for help.  Because that's what no one told me, and that's what I wish I would have known.

Deserve Vs. Entitle

Thank you so much, my dear readers for your comments lately.  They have offered some introspection and reflection.  A most recent Anonymous asks, "The word deserve conveys a sense of entitlement. What gives you your sense of entitlement? Why does anyone owe you anything?"

I think this is a good question and the answer lies in definition, connotation and denotation.  Dictionary.com defines deserve like this: 

–verb (used with object)

1.

to merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to (reward, assistance, punishment, etc.) because of actions, qualities, or situation: to deserve exile; to deserve charity; a theory that deserves consideration.

–verb (used without object)

2.

to be worthy of, qualified for, or have a claim to reward, punishment, recompense, etc.: to reward him as he deserves; an idea deserving of study. 

 

And Dictionary.com defines entitle like this:

–verb (used with object),-tled, -tling.

1.

to give (a person or thing) a title, right, or claim to something; furnish with grounds for laying claim: His executive position entitled him to certain courtesies rarely accorded others.

2.

to call by a particular title or name: What was the book entitled?

3.

to designate (a person) by an honorary title.

  

 

Mr. or Ms. Anonymous, I think you are right in asking for clarification; when we communicate, we choose our words based on our own definitions...based on our own experiences, frames of reference and situations.  I will be quite honest and tell you that indeed, I used to have a sense of entitlement that drove my manager crazy!  I was just a young pup and felt like I was doing a good job and entitled to more money, a better title and more autonomy.  Entitle indicates that it's just bestowed on you for not necessarily any reason of merit.

 

Deserve, on the other hand, by definition (above), is something granted because of merit, your actions, worthy of, qualified for....  And, I think it is in that spirit which I say that I deserve a good job.  10 months ago, I might have felt more entitlement to have a job.  Hey, I had a job before, I should have been bestowed with yet another.  But now, the hard work I've been pouring into searching, connecting, keeping up on industry progress...I feel like a job is more deserved now.    And, if deserve is like a "reward"....well, I hope all this work is rewarded soon.  

No, no one owes me anything at all.  I only owe it to myself to wake up every day and try to make a difference in someone's life (and sometimes that's in my life).  I owe it to myself to work hard, be proud of that work and make it count.  I owe my readers clarification and explanation and a good story.  I'm not asking for really anything in return.  But I appreciate whatever comes my way, good or bad. 

 

Seeing My Future

It's another pajama day here in the grey, dull and rainy Midwest.  I have no where to go, no one to see and a lot of writing to do.  I have a writing assignment from my life coach.  It involves writing a very detailed description of what I want my future life partner/husband to be.  I know, I know, this all sounds really cheesy and corny to some of you, right?  Perhaps.  But it's good to be able to define what you want.  So I was directed to think of my last 4-5 relationships and make lists of what I liked and disliked about those men, then create a list from that, of what I want in my perfect partner.  

I started this list on Monday and soon set it aside because of my job search and getting together with some friends (seriously, it feels like a weekend, I've gone out twice already this week!).  It was great to catch up with one new friend who patiently allowed me to explain credit default swaps and the Goldman Sachs complaint.  And last night, celebrated the 31st birthday of my neighbour bestie, and her engagement.  Such a wonderful night and I hope she knows how much she is loved and appreciated!  It's one of the best things to give love...just because...and not look or ask for anything in return.  What you give, you end up getting, I believe.

So back to my assignment and why today is the day for me to work on this.  Even though I am talking to a new bloke, I don't really know that it's really going to work out.  And, that's okay.  I do see that he was dropped in for a purpose and I'm appreciative of that.  I was talking to one of my friends last night, just talking about life in general, boys mostly I guess, and stating that I was really looking to be in a healthy, committed relationship.  I just blurted out with a relative amount of conviction, "I deserve to be in a good, healthy committed relationship!"  I stunned myself.  Clearly, if this thought escaped my lips without me thinking about it first...it means that I don't just know it, better yet, I believe it.  Progress.  If you don't know me and my dating history, this may not mean much to you.  But it means something to me.  

And just as I deserve to be in a good, healthy, committed relationship, I believe that I deserve a great, engaging and challenging job for an ethical company who believes in diversity and giving back (and paying me!).  If you're unemployed, I hope that you believe that for yourself too.  It's easy to not believe it, when you've been torn down for months on end.  But you're surviving, right?  You're making decisions and making plans...did you know that not everyone can do that?  But you can. I was certainly stuck for a long time; this blog is a testament to that.  It's time to take charge.  Do something today that acts as a catalyst for moving forward.  If it's renting your condo out, like I'm doing, so I can be mobile...do it.  And tell me what you've done.  I'd love to hear!

Having realized, and surprised myself, that I truly believe that I deserve that kind of relationship...I know right now is the right time for me to define Mr. Right.  I'm also defining the Right Job in my mind and it's going to come along...I can just feel it. 

I Thought You Should Know

By now, many of you are familiar with who I am.  You've courageously read about my ups and downs.  I say courageous, because I think you must be this, to have remained a loyal reader.  You've seen me at my worst.  But you've never seen me at my best.  You don't know the "real me."  So, I'm going to tell you a little bit about the Real Me.

I used to want to be a fish when I grew up.  This is a true story.  I would walk around the house, with my little lips scrunched up into a fishy peck, and swim and swerve around the house, my hands together like fins, slicing through the air, as though it were water.  I'm deathly afraid of water.

In pre-school, when asked to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up, I saw all the boys drawing firemen, astronauts and policemen.  The girls drew nurses, teachers and moms.  Me: a multi-colour haired skateboarder.  It took me forever to figure out something that was different. 

When I was about 4 or 5, we got a cat and named him Friday.  He was my best friend.  He hated my older sister.  He is living a beautiful life now, by a pond, running through the tall grass and chasing butterflies.  Sometimes he gingerly steps to the edge of the pond and looks at the fish.  He might eat one if he's hungry, I imagine.

I didn't know I was smart, or intelligent, til my sophomore year of college and an Honors College professor told me so, after I fell asleep in her class.  She wondered why one of her most precocious students should fall asleep and rather embarrassed me when she woke me up by slapping the top of my desk.

I willed myself into doing things, after that.  I wanted so badly to study in Brasil.  I did.  Against my parents' preferences, got a scholarship, worked four part-time jobs and made it happen.  It was perhaps the most transformative four months of my life.

The summer I met the best man I've ever met, I just knew it was going to be the summer that I found somebody I'd want to date and be with for a long time.  Even though our dating relationship lasted only 2.5 years, we are still best friends to this day.  It was almost like I had dreamt this, and willed it into being so.

My career, heretofore, has been an exercise in pure, sheer will.  I willed and wanted my way into learning complex fixed income instruments, derivatives, how to interpret regulations and securities laws, how to apply those laws to daily business practices... and enjoyed many parts of that... that requires sheer willpower if nothing else does.

So here I am today, looking at who I was before this almost 10 month affair with unemployment.  I'm willing myself to find my next ideal job with an ideal boss in an ideal city.  I know it's going to happen.  I can feel it in my bones, that something is just around the corner for me.  

Just like the little girl who wanted to be a fish, even though she is afraid of water....  I can conquer and quell those fears.

Like the cheeky little child who absolutely insisted she draw something spectacularly different, just to be different.... I stand out among all the sameness; I am unique.

As the prescient young adult, seeing her future mate and friend before he arrived.... I am once again, seeing a sign of wonderful things to come.  Not just a job, but my partner for life.  We are slowly spinning round and round, towards each other and soon our worlds will collide.

Some things just don't change; Fiona, a little replica of Friday and her sister Portia keep me company.  I'm still different.  My willing-ness...it's all still there.  I'm a fighter, a survivor and I'm going to fight and claw and will my way into a job because it's the only way I know how.  I just thought you should know.

Big Decisions

So, I made a very big decision today.  It's been a long time coming, so voila, here it is: I'm moving out of my condo by July 1st.  I've committed to it and hired someone to do the leg work for me for a discounted fee, of course.  It remains to be seen where I shall be living after that.  It is entirely dependent on my job situation.  If I have none, I imagine I'll still be here.  I have, however, given some thought to moving directly to a city where I'd like to live, even sans job.  The cats are going to be sent to my parents' house for a little while until I get settled in a permanent spot. 

I could potentially have a 3 or so month contract gig in Atlanta by that time.  A colleague there contacted me and asked about my availability.  I'm available, so long as a full time opportunity doesn't come first.  I do have one decent thing in the fire here, it's just a matter of waiting....first for interviews, then for any decisions. 

In the meantime, I guess I'll be packing and purging and continuing the search and connection-making.  What a grand life.

totally random musings

I'm not really feeling too inspired to write, but I suppose it's best to maintain appearances and such.  After a few long weeks of making a lot of new connections and applying for a myriad of jobs, I'm ready for kind of a break.  I expect to be scheduling 2 interviews soon and now it's just a waiting game of when will I hear from them.  Both are local.  I also just had a recruiter call and chat with me about a position in Minneapolis.  This would have been nice if MG were still around.  Since it is a step back with no paid relocation, I am imagining this might not be the position for me.  I will, however, just let the hiring manager decide if he wants to pursue it further. 

I read an article about the number of jobs added in the last month and I have to say I can definitely tell the job market is opening up a little bit.  There are more jobs out there for which I can apply that would fit my level of experience and expertise.  I have to start checking my voice mails because I'm actually getting calls now.  I even touched base again with the Boston firm which had to turn me down recently; I haven't hear back yet.  I've decided that Boston might be a good place for me to go... obviously, I'm concentrating on my love life as much as my job search and since I want to be there for grad school anyways... I'm not sure why or how it takes 9 months to figure this out.  But as far as I can tell, I think Boston would have a great selection for me, based on my personal preferences.

In other news, I feel like most people I know are either getting married, having babies, buying houses or other such things.  It's not that I feel that I need to do these things because others are doing them...and I've already bought a house...but I do feel it's time for me to have another more long-term relationship.  Since my very first which lasted two and a half years, nothing since has lasted more than five or six months.  This makes me feel somewhat retarded in the dating category, but I'm not going to blame myself entirely.  I'll partially blame two blokes who moved away (no hard feelings), and the availability, or lack thereof, of the type of man I'm looking for here in this city.  I'm not really sure what "normal" is in this regard, but I met someone who seemed to think it wasn't normal.  

But this is how it goes for me: Meet bloke.  Bloke is very interested.  Bloke suddenly isn't interested any more.  I really don't get boring after a week or a few months, honestly.  I don't expect anyone to be in love with me in that short amount of time.  I am always somewhat skeptical of someone's intentions.  I'm not really sure what my problem is.  I do feel that when I have a job again, dating will be easier and less awkward.  Oh, what do you do?  Ummm....in career transition?  Uh....oh.  Okay.  Moving right along.  Although I think this is more accepted for me as a woman, than perhaps if I were a man.  

And speaking of houses, I've decided that with these two potential positions locally, I'll stay here and not make a decision until June 1 about whether or not I'll rent it out.  Although, I figure that neither hiring decision will likely be made by that time frame.  Decisions, decisions.  

And so goes my day... it's lunch time, or close enough to lunch time....

Question from a Reader

Today requires another post.  How can I leave my readers with just a few, paltry paragraphs?  I did not get a cupcake.  There was a strawberries and cream cupcake that was proclaimed vegan.  Why this disappointed me so much, I do not know.  What was more disappointing was the thin smear of some kind of sad excuse for frosting on the top.  The cupcake itself look hard, crusty and inedible to a true cupcake connoisseur.  I was looking for the over-sized cupcakes with mounds of butter cream frosting on top.  I shall have to make my own.  From scratch.  I have all the ingredients and it will save me from having to buy a box mix.  I will, however, have to go buy some powdered sugar for the butter cream frosting.

But, wait....let's read this comment from a dutiful reader and respond to it.  Other unemployed persons, please feel free to chime in with your response to our dear reader, Elizabeth.  Elizabeth says:

I have been following your blog for some time now; I don't understand why you don't just get a job to have a job...like working anywhere doing anything. It seems that you feel it is beneath you to be employed doing anything other than a job that is in your field making boat loads of cash. Sometimes it is better to do something than nothing. In my opinion I think that a prospective employer would wonder what you have been doing this whole time that you have been unemployed, but I guess they could read your blog.... 

First, thank you, Elizabeth, for asking what seems on the surface, to be a valid and legitimate question from someone who presumably, has never experienced unemployment.

Ah, where to begin?  First, let me explain that I have a mortgage to pay, and I am single so I do not have a spouse or significant other to help me with this.  Secondly, unemployment benefits are calculated as a percentage of your previous salary.  So, mine are pretty decent and I am thankful to be able to cover my mortgage and my HOA fee, and not a lot else.  If I were to "just get a job to have a job...like working anywhere doing anything" I likely would not get paid as much as I do in benefits, thereby jeopardizing my ability to pay my mortgage, feed myself and my cats, pay my other bills, etc.  This is just simple mathematics, Elizabeth.

I do not, in fact, feel it is beneath me to be employed doing anything other than a job in my field making boat loads of cash.  It just does not make sense financially for me to do so.  But there is something else that we must consider.  What employer is going to hire a former VP to do just any job?  Dear Elizabeth, let me tell you: none that I have contacted so far.  I would be happy to share with you my litany of jobs for which I have applied, in my field and out of my field, that would pay half or less than half of what I used to make (but of course, more than my bennies pay me).  The presumption of an employer is that if they were to under-employ me, I would rapidly become bored, unproductive and as soon as I were to find a more appropriate position, I would jump ship.  They are absolutely correct.

Do you know how much it costs to hire one employee, Elizabeth?  I don't either, I can't remember the figure, but it is a LOT of money.  Hiring, training, benefits and the like.  To hire someone who will be bored, unproductive and as quickly as possible jump ship is not a financially savvy undertaking for any business, and as so many businesses find themselves needing to be extremely frugal, it would be a rare company you could find who would want to take on such a financial burden over and over and over and over as the masses of un- and under-employed individuals go for "just anything" and use them as a jumping point to a better gig.  When you consider that roughly 8.4 million jobs have disappeared, and if everyone just got jobs, just to get jobs, and then move on to the next best just a job, how much that would cost not just the companies, but how that would effect you the consumer, Elizabeth?  Very cost inefficient.  But, I don't expect you to have thought of that.

Elizabeth.  I have applied for retail positions.  I worked retail all through college.  In fact, Liz-diz, if I may take the liberty of nick-naming you, I worked 4 part-time jobs during college because my father refused to let me take out loans or to contribute financially to my education.  I tell you this, because I want to dispel that silly notion that is undoubtedly lodged in your head that I am a lazy individual. After applying for a handful of these jobs it was my realization that I'd lose benefits, lose time to spend in a real job search and essentially be an inefficient use of my time.

Prospective employers have, in fact, wondered what I have been doing.  And do you know, Liz-diz my dear, what they say when I tell them about my volunteering, my small consulting gigs, my leadership classes, my job search and networking and connecting and figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life, among the other things I do that I do not write about on this blog?  They are impressed!  Yes!  The very best of employers who would hire me because I was a VP and have some heavy titles and experience on my resume, they are so happy that I have not settled for just a job!  It shows that I have determination, tenacity and passion for my career and industry.  I care about my job, about my career.  It's important to me.  And because I care about my job, they know that I am 100% serious about working for them.  I'm not just foolishly bandying about, applying for silly jobs that are beneath me, wasting their time and money.

I've lost almost all other dignities in my life, Liz-diz, including the one that can accuse unemployed people from my high, employed tower and tell them how lazy they must be.  For you to imply that I do nothing is an insult of the highest sort.  I'd like to see you try to find a job these days and then say that you do nothing.  It's a full-time job, looking for a job.  I'm sure you haven't a clue what an emotional thing it is, to have rejection as your daily routine.  That you can't even find a job, just any job.  Cursed is the woman with too much experience.  Of course, it's entirely possible that you would not have a problem finding just any job, Lizzie, because you have not arrived at the level of career at which I had.  That oddly makes it easier for you.  There are many, many just jobs out there for those who did not work hard, have tenacity and smarts and intelligence to excel and exceed and rise head and shoulders above their peers.  Or were just plain too lazy to do so.

Would you rather, Liz-diz, that I take a job, any job, say flipping burgers, a cashier, a landscaper, a...whatever...and lose my house, lose my car, lose everything I own, go into bankruptcy and foreclosure and add to this current credit crisis?  Or would you prefer that I continue to pay my mortgage and be a good, productive member of society (as I imagine this might be your idea of a productive member of society).  

Lastly, Liz the diz, I do know a gentleman who has been unemployed for a year and half and has actually taken a job, just any job.  He was not at the level of career that I was, but I can tell you from my conversations with him, that he feels a whole host of not so positive emotions about take a job, just any job.  It's depressing.  You can't even imagine what soul-crushing he has already been through in a year and half and then what soul-sacrificing he had to do to take just a job.  I wish I could impress upon you that unemployment is about more than just taking a job, any job.  The toll it takes on you, emotionally, physically, socially and financially is more than I think most people can bear.  And Liz, I hope you never find yourself in this position.  If you do, however, I shall be the first to treat you with grace and kindness when you discover the harsh realities of the entire unemployed experience.   

Elizabeth my friend, I do not expect you to understand unless you go through this yourself.  I choose to accept your ignorance, but I do not accept your acerbic tone when you say, "In my opinion I think that a prospective employer would wonder what you have been doing this whole time that you have been unemployed, but I guess they could read your blog...."  How cold, cruel and heartless you seem.  It is as though you feel I spend my time in worthless pursuits.  How would you suggest I spend my time if I cannot get obtain a job, even just any job?  I am open to suggestions.

I would invite you, Elizabeth, to be part of the documentary I am making about the unemployed experience.  I value your perspective and should you like, I would very much like to interview you, in person (on film or not, your choice) and get your thoughts.  They are honest, authentic and valid questions that likely reflect the sentiments of the majority of the population who is blessed to not have to go through this experience.  If you are willing to be part of my project, please let me know.  Also, I appreciate that you have the balls to ask me those questions.

Warmest Regards,

Hire Me

Cupcakes and Documentaries

This week I am finding it immensely difficult to focus on my job search.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe because it is really nice outside.  Maybe because I'm distracted by MG more often than not (and his apparent reluctance to call me).  Maybe because I really just want to sit outside, eat a cupcake and read, read, read.  And read some more.  And write, maybe, if I feel like it. 

Also, I'm looking for anyone who is experienced in the documentary making business.  If you have a connection, or are that, please get in touch with me!  I guess that would mean a comment or something.  

I'm going to go eat my cupcake now.  And read.

50 Things To Do Before I Die - Part I

I'm not sure how many parts to this list there will be, but I'm pretty sure I can't crank out 50 items in the next 10 minutes.  Nine minutes...when I meet with my life coach who recommended this undertaking to me.

1. Graduate from Harvard
2. Travel around the world
3. Live in another country for a while
4. Find the love of my life
5. Find a meaningful job
6. Change someone's life
7. Go to culinary school
8. Write a book of short stories/poems
9. Write a novel
10. Take my nieces on vacation
11. Go on vacation by myself
12. Rent a beach house for a month in Oregon and do nothing but write
13. Drive across the country 

It all comes out in the wash sooner or later

I have a sudden, awful urge to eat a whole bag of peanut butter cups and drink a whole bottle of wine, all by myself.  Yes, PB & Chocolate and sleep inducing alcohol are my vices and my comforts.  It's a dull grey, rainy and cool day.  I've been able to distract myself through most of the weekend, but now I'm unable to come up with distractions for myself.

MG left me an odd voice mail, explaining why he isn't ready to talk to me.  I find this highly suspect, as it is quite unlike him to be this way, and have decided that I should suspect him of finding other female attentions.  I can't say that I'm crushed, or even really angry.  Day 4 into stonewall silence does nothing to endear him to me any further and in fact, rather detracts from his attractiveness.  And, I suppose I'm not altogether too surprised by what I consider normal male behaviour, as sad as that is. 

Okay, now I'm angry.  I suppose I've now gotten through the whole denial stage and I'm onto angry.  The weekend was not, however, a complete loss.  I enjoyed the company of some new friends on Friday night and hopefully I did not keep them out too late.  Saturday night, I enjoyed an orchestra concert, followed by a house party for the orchestra people, and met a hilariously blunt and honest bloke, who is a violinist in the orchestra.  It was refreshing to just enjoy the company of friends.

And, that is all that is my life: disappointment, rejection, wash down with alcohol and friend, rinse and repeat.