Thank you so much, my dear readers for your comments lately. They have offered some introspection and reflection. A most recent Anonymous asks, "The word deserve conveys a sense of entitlement. What gives you your sense of entitlement? Why does anyone owe you anything?"
I think this is a good question and the answer lies in definition, connotation and denotation. Dictionary.com defines deserve like this:
–verb (used with object)
1.
to merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to (reward, assistance, punishment, etc.) because of actions, qualities, or situation: to deserve exile; to deserve charity; a theory that deserves consideration.
–verb (used without object)
2.
to be worthy of, qualified for, or have a claim to reward, punishment, recompense, etc.: to reward him as he deserves; an idea deserving of study.
And Dictionary.com defines entitle like this:
–verb (used with object),-tled, -tling.
1.
to give (a person or thing) a title, right, or claim to something; furnish with grounds for laying claim: His executive position entitled him to certain courtesies rarely accorded others.
2.
to call by a particular title or name: What was the book entitled?
3.
to designate (a person) by an honorary title.
Mr. or Ms. Anonymous, I think you are right in asking for clarification; when we communicate, we choose our words based on our own definitions...based on our own experiences, frames of reference and situations. I will be quite honest and tell you that indeed, I used to have a sense of entitlement that drove my manager crazy! I was just a young pup and felt like I was doing a good job and entitled to more money, a better title and more autonomy. Entitle indicates that it's just bestowed on you for not necessarily any reason of merit.
Deserve, on the other hand, by definition (above), is something granted because of merit, your actions, worthy of, qualified for.... And, I think it is in that spirit which I say that I deserve a good job. 10 months ago, I might have felt more entitlement to have a job. Hey, I had a job before, I should have been bestowed with yet another. But now, the hard work I've been pouring into searching, connecting, keeping up on industry progress...I feel like a job is more deserved now. And, if deserve is like a "reward"....well, I hope all this work is rewarded soon.
No, no one owes me anything at all. I only owe it to myself to wake up every day and try to make a difference in someone's life (and sometimes that's in my life). I owe it to myself to work hard, be proud of that work and make it count. I owe my readers clarification and explanation and a good story. I'm not asking for really anything in return. But I appreciate whatever comes my way, good or bad.
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You've made a good and important distinction. I took another look at yesterday's post and you didn't seem entitled at all. You were quite the opposite, in fact: you were outlining what you're doing to forge ahead and challenging us to do the same. As I sit here, complacent, you've inspired me to think about what I want and what I'm willing to do to get it.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jessica. I'm glad you're thinking about how you can move forward too! I urge my friends who have jobs now, to continue actively managing their career, and life, to be where you truly want to be. It all starts with one step forward.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the clarification. Interestingly (upon further googling), thefreedictionary.com defines deserve as 1. (tr) to be entitled to or worthy of; merit.
ReplyDeleteI am certain these past several months have been difficult and humbling, but I would encourage you to stay humble, and convey a sense of thankfulness for the good comes your way as opposed to a sense of deserving. In my experience that goes a long way. I hope you find what you are looking for very soon.
As I stated at the end of the post, I am thankful for everything that comes my way, good and bad. I do not think I engage a sense of entitlement, but rather a sense of worth which I believe is healthy and not counter to humility. If you understand the extreme lack of self-worth many unemployed individuals feel, you might better understand the kind of "deserve" and "worth" to which I refer here. It is re-discovering my confidence, not entitlement. I'm sorry you do not see the value in that.
ReplyDelete