Drudgery Budgetry F**k, the Mouse is Sh** Outta Luck

Some damn little (fat) cat woke me up at 7:30am scratching on the bed like it was a nuclear emergency. She just wanted to be fed, but there it was, I indulged fat cat and I was wide awake, with only my thoughts to keep me warm.

The thing is, when you turn your heat off so you don't have to spend an inordinate amount (or any amount) of money on electric bills, if you sleep through the cold until say, 2 in the afternoon, you feel like you can maybe make it through the day, huddled on your couch under your electric blanket. You get nothing done, but you're warm. But when a fat cat wakes you up and 7:30am and you get out of bed, the bloody coldness wakes you up and you realise that on top of being freezing, you are in fact, starvingly hungry as well.

So I woke up cold and unhappy, all these thoughts running through my head (as per my usual) and came up with the lovely title of this blog post. I'm not normally this creative with my titles, as much as I think I really am or would like to be. It took my 5 whole minutes of barely awakeness to think of that clever title (which you should sing-song to Hickory Dickory Dock...if you didn't get it).

I was thinking about how I'm not going grocery shopping because a) I don't have a car right now and b) I'm tired of walking in 12 degree weather to get to the Kro-ghetto around the corner and c) groceries = less money in my pocket and I've been going out too much lately.

Then I just started thinking about how miserable I feel lately and how ready I am just to get back to work. I can't afford to keep heating my condo at $160/month but it's 12 effing degrees outside and if I don't turn the heat on, it's 42 in my place when I get up and I can't afford to have a pipe burst less than I can afford heat. I'm literally sitting here with my coat and scarf on. I go to bed fully clothed too. And now I'm hungry.

Being hungry is funny. I've probably gained 10 lbs in the last year and half since I lost my tonsils. I guess swallowing anything was never pleasant until my throat-choking tonsils were taken away. Now, apparently, not only have I discovered the pleasures of cooking with vast amounts of butter and cream, the pleasures of eating anything now that it doesn't feel like squeezing a monster truck down Parliament Street. But I look in my fridge and not only is there not anything all that appetizing (or really much at all) in it, I can't stop thinking how bloody cold it is, standing there with the fridge door open.

So now that I'm all nice and fattened up, I hope I will be losing these ubiquitous pounds, seeing as I can't stand to go grocery shopping for fear of spending money. Yes, please add chrometaphobia to my list of ailments.

When you have limited resources, you lose your options. It's water, or...well, water, if you want to drink anything at my house. No more juice. I just ran out out of creamer for my coffee which I cannot drink black. And that's suddenly when you start craving anything but water. My old regular Coca-Cola habit is rearing its ugly head, simply for the fact that this would constitute a want or a luxury, which I cannot indulge.

In addition to all this, I have not seen or spoken (aka texted) my man much in the last few days. I didn't even get a Happy New Year text while he was on a next to free trip to New Orleans for the sweet Sugar Bowl. I know his phone died because I forgot to give him the extra phone charger he keeps at my place. But. I miss him terribly and I just want to cuddle up next to him and feel safe, secure, happy and completely lost in the warmth and comfort he so often provides. I know I should be all patient and wait for him to recover from his drunken debauchery of the weekend and 24+ hours of driving in 4 days. And I can't even drive up to see him, seeing as I have no car at the moment. But I want someone to pay attention to ME for once, regardless of how they might feel. I'm tired of always being the patient, understanding one.

I want someone to truly understand (or try) what I'm going through and what goes through my head on a daily basis. I'm lucky that I've had enough money to survive this long, but I'm so tired of how hearing the heat running makes me anxious. I'm tired of thinking, oh, I want some juice...oh wait, I don't have any. Oh, wait, no car to go to the store. Oh, nevermind, it would cost me $3 to buy a thing of juice anyways. I just want some juice and not have to think about it!

I keep making lists of things I need, then I throw the list away because I can't pay for it or because it's actually a list of things I want, if I really think about it. A haircut and color would be nice. Creamer for my coffee. Juice. All purpose cleaner. Paper towels. New under-garments for my burgeoning body. Clothes for my burgeoning body. Milk.

Got milk? Be thankful.