When Good Just Isn't Good Enough

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Yes, indeed, it is.

I'm angry but I lack the enthusiasm to do anything about it. If I did, I would get rid of anything "good" in my life. What?! Why would I do that? Because good is not great.

A good relationship is that one that you settle for. He gets you through the day and he's a good guy, you tell your friends and yourself. He is good. But when you're at your lowest, at the worst you've ever been and seriously showing off your crazy, he avoids, ignores and is oblivious. Good doesn't get you what you really want: a relationship with the ultimate amount of security. So secure, you know you're destined for forever; so secure, you don't feel the need to get reassurance and proof of his commitment.

A good day is still a mediocre day. You just make it through. You get up, get a few things done and even send out thank you letters for your Christmas presents. Friends email, call, visit. It fills the empty space. The lonely, empty 24 hours that we call a day. You survive. 9-5. A good day is one where you get paid for what you do even thought you don't enjoy it. And that's all you dare to ask for. Good isn't what you're looking for: that job where you can change the world and make a difference.

A good outfit isn't the one that you wear when you are newly single, walk into anywhere and absolutely command the entire room. A good outfit will get you a few places but never the job of your dreams, the man of your dreams or the time of your life. Good isn't what you want: hot, sexy, competence, confidence all wrapping you up neatly in a perfect little package with a bright, shiny bow.

A good friend is just that: good. They listen, they talk, they go out with you. They'll tell you when you look good and won't necessarily poach the man you've been eyeing. Good isn't the best: the friend that calls you, knowing when you're feeling down; the friend that buys you groceries when you don't have much; the friend that sits in the silence with you when all you really need is just some good company and to know that she's got your back.

I've had a best friend, a the perfect outfit and an amazing day. It leaves my imagination to discover my heart's true desire: the man of my dreams and beautiful children who have our crazy personalities.

The reason I love my nieces so much is that I see so much of myself in them. My oldest niece is hilarious, funny and stubborn. My youngest niece has finer features and at five months, already an intense personality. They both have curly hair. I love them and miss them so much, mostly because I imagine that someday, my children (two girls and a boy) will be lively, independent, curious children with minds of their own, with a sense of self and purpose. They will laugh, be happy and be a little crazy with my laid back husband and me.

He will be my rock, solid and steady. Ready to tell me things are all going to be okay and when I feel a little crazy, hush me to sleep and reassure me that I'm pretty normal. He'll be there to laugh and goof off with pretty much all the time. And when life comes crashing down, he knows when I need to be picked up, dusted off and taken out in that perfect outfit. It won't bother him when I'm feeling clingy because he knows he's my safety, my comfy security blanket.

I've never been the girly-girl, imagining and planning my wedding since I was old enough to know what a wedding is. But I am ready to admit that what I want is to be standing, in the perfect outfit, on an amazing day, ready to walk down the aisle towards my best friend and marry the greatest man that ever lived: mine.