Lone Star State

How do you know when you're so lonely that.... well... that... How do you know that you're so lonely that you become pathetic? Other than when someone tells you, that is.

One sure, clear sign is when you stay up until about 3am or later...and when you finally convince yourself that you should catch some z's, you sleep or stay in bed until you decide you're too hungry not to, or just really have to use the toilet.

A friendly bottle of Blue Sapphire helps lull you into that false sense of confidence that someone loves you. You confidently chat with old boyfriends, flirting a little, bringing back some of those familiar memories... Just happy that someone wants to talk to you. Until they ask you if you are lonely.

Before you fall asleep, you dream of those beautiful moments you have yet to experience in your life. A blissful, fun-filled 30th birthday party with 100+ of your closest friends. A marriage proposal. A walk down the aisle. When your sister lets you keep your niece for a week. Your 6 month old niece happily lulls in your arms, not knowing what a pathetically lonely loser you are.

You keep your phone close, but your cats closer as you watch the Food Network endlessly. You feel like laughing at the host of Boy Meets Grill or rolling your eyes at the perfectionista on Everyday Italian or the humour of Bobby Flay's Throwdown somehow is human interaction.

You wander aimlessly towards your refrigerator, stand in front of it and hope that something calls your name. Literally calls your name. So you can have a consversation.

You begin to wonder...whatever really happened to chat rooms? Are they still open at 12:49AM?

Scary movies are...just company.

When you become afraid to interact with friends or normal human beings for fear that you will come across as so....lonely that you will be able to do nothing but talk for 3 straight hours about everything you've been doing or thinking for the last 2 days...since you spoke to someone in person.

Refreshing Facebook statuses becomes a bi-minutely habit.

People say you have that "sad puppy dog" look when you first meet them. Or, the deer in the headlights look. Or, the sad, pathetic person look.

You actually start having real conversations with your cats. Before, it was just some random, "here kitty kitty" stuff and that, but now, it's like full blown conversations and you are absolutely certain that you can read their facial expressions as responses to your queries.

Life is lived in daydreams... inhabited by people who love you, talk to you, touch you, listen to you. Life, a dream where life at its best surrounds you. Where life is lived outside reality.