A Plan...I Haz One

I'm a planner by nature, so when I don't have one, I freak out. My life lately has seemed like there is no plan, no organisation, no order. It's just a complete toss-up and we'll see what comes falling down. That's when unhappiness, sadness and boredom sets in. That's been my problem for the last few weeks.

I will admit, a lot of it stems from the fact that my significant other is leaving for LA soon and I haven't known what's going to happen. While things have not been 100% perfect, I still believe in his goodness, respectfulness and caringness. Sometimes we are product, or victim, of our circumstance. No excuses, just a reason. Neither of us have been at our best since we've known each other but we've been able to create some fun, happy memories together.

Yesterday, we both agreed that we would rather be close to each other, than attempt a long distance relationship that, at this point in our relationship, we are really not ready to make successful. And so, we decided to keep seeing each other as we have been and when he leaves, instead of attempting an ill-fated relationship destined to end up in things gradually trailing off and us not really speaking to each other, we would continue to build a close friendship. We both came to this same conclusion separately, but he voiced it first because it was important to him that we don't lose our closeness. I was very happy to know that I was important enough to him to ensure we continued to become close and not drift away. Even though that means a friendship instead of a different kind of relationship, it really means a lot that I'm worth enough to someone that they make an effort to make sure we don't drift apart. He wants me in his life. He told me he hopes that I still call him a lot and talk to him when I'm sad and when I'm happy, and he still wants us to visit each other. Did you all hear that? I'm wanted. Someone actually wants me.

I know it may seem rather pathetic and sad that I'm thrilled about this, but I've rarely felt this way in my life so I am celebrating the moment. Some people may think the worst about this situation and think it's the easy way out for him, but keep your thoughts to yourself and don't ruin my small victory in life.

So, that's been planned. We finally have a plan for when he leaves. The rest of my plan includes making new friends and spending more time with old friends that have been offering a lot of support and understanding lately, but perhaps I've not spent a lot of time with. I've already started making new friends. From the people in my volunteer leadership group to my new neighbour across the street, to the international student that I met randomly.

After I find out about the job that I'm waiting to hear from (any day now!), I'll decide what further plans I need to make. If I get the job, my plan is to save more and travel more this year. If I don't get the job, I intend to try to find an international job and I have some good ideas lined up. Also, I want to pare down my belongings and simplify my life so that I actually wear all the clothes I have (don't ask me to give up any shoes though) and so that it's easier to keep things neat and tidy and clean...and, well, easier to move or store if need be. Also on this year's agenda is studying for the GRE and actually taking it, and applying for graduate school.

There you have it folks...the outline of a plan. Perhaps not as detailed as it could be, but I feel like I have a direction and that's always good.

And now, my plan for this afternoon: make mac 'n cheese!