Bennies

I love filing for my unemployment benefits every week. No, not really. This process takes a mere thirty minutes. 28 of those minutes are spent waiting for the state's site to load. Then I am reminded, once again, that it is not enough to cover my mortgage, let alone my other expenses. Then I feel guilty for going out this weekend and having that beer. Then I feel depressed because I should be staying in, or not drinking and having a normal social life, because I shouldn't spend any more money. Then I am grateful for friends who have been more than generous and understanding. Then I just really, really wish I had a job. I've never avoided viewing my Mint account or my bank and credit card accounts online as much as I do now. I don't want it to verify that yes, in fact, I do spend my not really so discretionary money going to bars and the grocery store. Has my life in fact been reduced to eating and drinking? Are they my only comforts in life? Does that make me sound incredibly lame? I've cancelled my Netflix account today because I feel guilty for keeping myself entertained during my extensive unemployment. And did you know, your rental queue is maintained for 2 years in case you reactivate your account? Nice. Thanks for the mental image of destitution for two years. I'm continuing to buckle down even more. I know my heating bills are going to get very expensive over the next few months; it's supposed to be a very, very cold winter here and it's already begun. I won't allow temps over 65 degrees unless I have company and I am trying to reduce it to 63 degrees and 60 at night or when I'm not home. Santa, you can bring me that lump of coal...I'm gonna need it this year.