Why I'd be a Great Personal Assistant

Dear Prospective Employer who is looking for the ultimate personal assistant, I would like you to know why I'm the best candidate for your position. Instead of burdening you with long, complex sentences, I'll give you the highlights of me and why I'm a smart, creative, focused individual with the ability to travel.

1. I don't have a spouse or children, therefore it's easy and quite delightful for me to travel with you whenever you need to. Also, I have a passport and have not been banned from any country.
2. Read my blog. You'll see that I'm a creative writer. I also like to do crafty things, sew, paint and other creative things. If you read my resume, you'll see that I have superb problem solving skills which demonstrates a different kind of creative.
3. As for the smart part, I graduated with honors from the Honors College of my university. I can also tie my own shoe laces, which I hear Albert Einstein could not do. I'm book smart, street smart, have common sense and I pick up on things very quickly.
4. I like helping others and this is why I'll love to help you and make your life easier. No chore too big or small for me. Every errand run is an adventure.
5. My telephone voice is very pleasant, calm and professional. That doesn't mean I can't put my foot down when necessary. The best part is, I know when it's necessary and when it shouldn't be done. Because I'm smart like that.
6. Food. If you like to eat, you'll enjoy having me as your personal assistant. Whether you like take-out, restaurants or a personal chef, I'm your girl. Need to find just the right place to take that as yet unattainable client? You'll seal the deal with my restaurant selections. And, I have a few connections to make memorable personal events such as anniversary or birthday meals.
7. Superior oral and written communication skills. That's straight from my resume. I'm well spoken and well written.
8. I'm well rounded. No, I'm not referring to my figure. I've travelled the world a bit, enjoy the arts, food, sports and so much more. I'm a master at conversation.
9. I have a good, healthy sense of humour. Not much in life can get me down after the last few months. Things will probably not always go according to plan, but no worries, we'll just laugh and reset. Also, I am quite the punster.
10. Organization. Well, I've got that one down pat. My significant other will tell you that my fridge is organized alphabetically. I'll correct him and say it's alphabetical by food type...Asian, BBQ...etc.
11. Excellent memory. This is absolutely necessary for any personal assistant. I will remember all these little things that would just bog you down and I will remind you of them. Birthdays, important dates, meetings we need to prepare for, whatever it is, I will remember it for you.
12. Appearance. A professional appearance in the front of the office (your personal assistant) is just as important as the back of the office (you). I will not disappoint you. I come from a professional background and have lovely, updated professional attire. And I have nice teeth.
13. If you're a coffee drinker, you'll begin to appreciate that I am in the office daily, before you, with coffee brewing and ready for you to begin your day.
14. Random information at hand. Oh yes, the queen of small talk I am, with my random information. This random information comes in handy when you need vinegar to take out that wine stain, or need to know that 1 quart is 4 cups, or that ammonia thrown in with towels will help remove that musty smell...I could go on, but you get the point.
15. I'm quite practical and pragmatic. I think that speaks for itself.