Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I hope this letter reaches you in time for you to bring me the right Christmas presents this year. I know I haven't written in a really long time and that's probably why I have been getting lumps of coal. Or is that because I don't visit my family enough and I've been put on the naughty list? This year, you can't blame me, blame Father Economy for getting me laid off and not having enough money to go home a lot. Also, the Broken Car Fairy used quite a bit of his damn fairy dust on me this year. This year I want a really awesome job. It can pay a lot of money, but if you don't have one of those models with the fancy title and big salary, I will take the plainer version that just pays my bills and has benefits. Since my mother taught me to be practical, I'll also ask for some thermal underwear, or long johns or whatever they are calling them these days. Some fur-lined slippers to go with these too, and this is what will keep me warm in my sub-zero dwelling. Whatever clothing you give the Eskimos would also probably be apropos. I like the colour pink now, in case you haven't been keeping track. My cats would really like a year's supply of those Dah Bird things. I know this might mean a lot of them, since they tear them to bits in three days, but they have been great lap warmers and bed warmers this year and deserve something really nice. Last year, I did get a great set of friends, and I wanted to thank you for those too. They have really come in handy. The Significant Other Bunny was also really nice to me this year; she is usually rather nasty but maybe she felt bad about the Father Economy thing. So the last thing I want, Dear Santa, is for all of my friends wishes to come true: babies, debt paid off, to find Mr. Right, the best ever food every day, good jobs and happiness. And, for my very special significant other who makes my heart so full of happiness, I just want him to be really, really happy too. Please let everything work out for him. He really deserves that for putting up with my crazy. I will leave out some Snowville Creamery milk because I know it's your favourite, and my homemade cookies, carrots for the reindeer and catnip for your cats (yes, I know about your love of cats). Thank you, Santa! Love, This Unemployed Person