Great Expectations

I have given up on having expectations of any sort. I once was the sort of individual who had lots of them and they were generally quite high. Today, as I sit reflecting on the events of the last week or two, I have given up on having expectations. It started with resigning myself to my fate of joblessness. On Christmas Eve, it will have been 5 months of unemployment. Endless job searching, soul searching and the like have produced very little in the way of more than state sponsored minimal income. I did have an interview today, but there are 4 other well qualified candidates. What is there to make me expect to be hired? Nothing. I expect they will find someone internally to fill the role. Nothing will be determined until mid-January as it is. The whole roommate situation has erupted into a devastating bitterness against the goodness of humanity. I had two people inquire, appear very interested, and I scheduled viewings and meetings with both. It has been revealed that the guy, seemingly stable and mature, has a few DUIs to his name, been on probation, has a drug possession charge, and a crash that resulted in injury. He hasn't shown up to court on a few things and a $10,000 default judgment entered against him on the case of the personal injury. The girl can't seem to find the time to call or email me to tell me when she might show up to look at the place tomorrow. I remain hopelessly roommate-less. The curious case of the significant other causes me no amount of expectation. I never expect to be taken on a date. I do not expect Christmas to be any sort of event between us. I do not expect him to hang out with me this weekend. I do not expect him to want to do something with me on New Years Eve. And at the moment, I do not have the energy to ask and likely be disappointed. And that, my dear friend, is the key. Five months of disappointment, and I cannot hope to hope or expect anything to turn in my favour. It may appear for a moment, that it will, but then...look, it turns into nothing. I am tired. I am exhausted. I am alone.