Fishbowl Syndrome

One of the things that I have struggled with immensely during unemployment, and particularly right now, is the lack of meaningful connection with others.  Whether it be the secretary I always say hi to in the morning, the stories swapped over lunch, happy hours on Fridays and everything in between...all of the daily, mundane interactions are missing from my life.

I wake up and maybe talk to the cats.  I talk to myself.  I might text visitor man.  I check emails, voicemails (never any), Facebook and then begin the never ending process of job-hunting.   Connecting with someone via email, text or Facebook just isn't enough for me.  I want a voice.  I want to talk to someone.  I want to see a face.  I want a handshake or friendly hug or pat on the shoulder.  When I do get the chance to talk to someone, I feel like I completely monopolize the conversation.  Likely because I haven't talked to anyone for real in days!  And sometimes, even when I do, I don't feel like I'm making that connection.  

I probably annoy the heck out of visitor man; I text and want him to call me from dawn til dusk and beyond that even. But he has a job and a life that I'm not a part of and that's okay.  I understand.  I just want someone to really, really pay attention to me!  Having someone's complete, rapt, undivided attention doesn't happen a lot lately.  Someone who's really into me.  I feel like I'm that fish in the fishbowl, peering out and observing the activity swirling around me, moving on without me. 

When I'm out, I get such a thrill from the bloke who's making googly eyes back at me.  Sometimes I just want to see if I still have it in me.  Because on the inside, I feel like that short, fat, ugly chick that's out with all the pretty, popular girls.  I know confidence doesn't come from someone else telling me I'm hot, but it sure does help.  

Is it too much to ask, to feel engage and involved in life once again?