Bermuda Triangle

You may wonder what the Bermuda Triangle has to do with...well, anything that could be contained herein.  I assure you, there is relevance.  Currently, the Bermuda Triangle has temporarily relocated itself from the Straits of Florida and Bahamas area, to my front door.  It covers my residence.  It follows me like an eerie, foreshadowing cloud.  I'm pretty lost and disappeared.

My sanity and positive attitude seem to be in this weird, unexplained phenomenon.  I'm pretty sure it's temporary, however, and soon my ship will come in.

I know have a small computer, courtesy of EB, one of my good friends.  Also of note is someone I randomly met, who made me so mad the first few times we talked that I said some pretty awful things to him.  We both apologized and now I talk to him every day.  He's been such a surprising source of friendship and support.  My other friends, my neighbours across the parking lot, continue to be bastions of hope and positivity, propelling me forward as people in the same situation only know how to do.  I'm so thankful for these people in my life and feel badly that this week, despite everyone's support, I'm a grinch.

My current vision is to leave for NYC in the next 1-2 weeks to try to break into the burgeoning job market there.  I am using every resource I have, from calling in favours, to getting in touch with people I barely know, to asking people for huge favours so that I can someday return it, to find a low or no cost housing solution in or near NYC.  

I have only been to NYC once and I am, admittedly as a little Midwesterner, quite nervous and feel slightly intimidated at the idea of figuring out buses and the subway.  I know I can do it.  I am just nervous and being in a huge city, trying to find my way while managing not to be taken advantage of, mugged, or any other thing, is certainly an overwhelming prospect.  

If I look back and think to myself that I have confidently gone into Brazilian prisons and interviewed some pretty tough people, asking pretty tough questions in Portuguese that I had just learned, in a cute skirt and top (no flak jacket or such), heck...what's a little NYC grit and transportation?  I have adjusted to more starkly and vastly different languages and cultures heretofore, so why am I now so nervous?

I think it is because I am older and wiser and not so naive.  Perhaps it is because I have now experienced how people believe they can so easily and outright take advantage of me and attempt to do so (it has worked on more occasions than I care to admit).  Or is it that, at the end of the day, when I am crying tears of frustration, Fiona won't be there to comfort me and Portia won't be there to lay her warm, fat, furry body on my chest and purr the loneliness away.

In any case, this is a big step and a big risk for me.  I might fail miserably.  But either way, I won't be regretting not doing what my intuition tells me to do (thanks for that, KK).  There is, unfortunately, not a Bermuda Triangle for feelings of regret.