Catharsis

Catharsis is the purging of emotions or relieving emotional tensions, especially through certain kinds of art. 

My personal certain kind of art of choice is writing a blog post with a glass of wine in hand.  And I am good at it.

Today I sold my car.  I posted it on craigslist and within minutes received a host of emails expressing interest.  I had one gentleman look at it and decide against it, another kind of jerk me around as far as what time he could come look at it (finally settling on a 2 hour window) and another who said he was pretty certain he would pick it up for his nephew.  I ended up selling to the guy with the nephew.  For cash.  I think they got a pretty good deal.  I got what I wanted, in cash no less, and now I am sans vehicle.  I did not think that it would sell that quickly.

Now I am laughing at my list of errands and things to buy before I go to NYC list.  I will probably borrow a friend's bike and ride to my local Kroger Fresh Market store and get the things I need instead of going to Walmart which is cheaper and further out.  I need to find a tailor downtown and a ride to the airport.  This is just a huge change and it will take time to adjust, even emotionally.

I have sold my car, my TV, a bunch of kitchen items and attempting to sell additional furniture and things and am working on renting out my condo.  It doesn't feel like loss exactly.  It totally feels like change.  A lifestyle change.  A shift in my personal paradigm.  I just like using the word paradigm.  It is like tossing out the old to make room for the new, I keep telling myself.  

There is no growth without change.  There is no change without loss and there is no loss without pain.  We fear these losses, even if our old ways were self-defeating, because, like a worn out pair of shoes, they were at least comfortable and familiar. Every change involves a loss of some kind:You must let go of old ways in order to experience the new.

A friend of mine had the above on his FB page recently.  I am growing, so there is change and loss and that does cause a little bit of pain.  What he wrote above is so true.  I took it to heart and in a way, it was comforting to know that even though there is pain, I am open to allowing myself feel that pain in order to experience something new.  

Something new is New York City and its massive public transportation system, seemingly endless supply of take out options, huge sky scrapers, expensive everythings and the endless hope it has always offered to all who seek its refuge. 

Is it a sign of things to come that I sold my car when I am seeking a job in a city in which I wouldn't need a car?  That today, I received a call from a recruiter from a large corporation seeking a compliance candidate with asset management experience located in NYC?  That I am making connections and scheduling meetings there?  That I have met two blokes who will be resources for me as I travel there?  One who is so incredibly kind and thoughtful and caring that I cannot help but to wonder which angel he is.  

I am looking out over my parking lot.  There is no silver little VW Beetle there.  Goodbye little bugger, I'll miss you.