T Minus 5 Hours

I said goodbye to the kittens this morning and as little Portia cat let me hug her and hold her, she purred happily.  I woke up at 6:30am and got ready, made the bed, did a last load of laundry, put a few things away, zipped up the suitcase and packed my carryon.  I sat in the living room, watching the kittens play.  Portia looked at me with her big yellow eyes, knowing that something was about to change.  She sat on my lap and purred.  I am glad I got a last few minutes in with her.  But I had to say my goodbye to her quickly before I started tearing up.

As my friends dropped me off, and one said, "When you come back to get your cats and pack up your condo...." it seemed slightly more real.  But even as I approached the counter and weighed in my bag (at a whopping 52.7 lbs), I realized....my whole life, for an undetermined amount of time, is all in this bag.  Everything I think I will want or need at a minimum, is in this bag.  My life, reduced to 52.7 pounds.  

I am staring out over the airplanes that are coming in now.  Still, it feels surreal.  Did I really just say goodbye to this city and walk into the airport?  How long will I be gone and where will I be in a month?  The last time I felt this way was when I headed to Miami, to take a flight to Fortaleza, Brasil.  Even more naive and wide-eyed and a mere 20 years old, I made my way thousands and thousands of miles to a foreign country where they spoke a language I did not know.

I packed completely wrong for Brasil and ended up buying a lot of new clothes (cheaply) and wearing the same things over and over.  I didn't need the button down shirts, nylons and formal skirts that I had brought.  Instead I bought sandals, flip flops, a Brasilian bikini, short skirts, spaghetti strap tops and a purse or two, to fit in.  I think back on how much I learned there, just by observation and I laugh at myself for packing what I packed.  I must have looked like the epitome of Puritan naivete and innocence....and probably, slightly awkward to all of my Brasil mates.  

I think it's the reason I have obsessed over the details of the wardrobe I am bringing.  I know and understand the importance of fitting in, or looking like you belong somewhere.  On the other hand, it is important to remain true to myself.  Often it is told how a friend sold out when s/he went to a big city, how much they changed and not necessarily for the better.  I often wonder how I will change because of this little adventure.  Brasil changed me immensely.  How much more can I change?