I feel it comin back...

In the last six months or so, I've felt varying degrees of getting back to my normal self.  And as suddenly as I feel it, something takes that feeling away.  The last month or so has probably been the complete opposite.  I never felt anything like my normal self.  When friends tell me they read my blog they note how depressing it is.  I'm okay with that, it doesn't offend me.  That's what I've been feeling like.  A friend told me yesterday it was like reading a book, seeing all the ups and downs and the emotional life of the character.

As difficult as being in social situations has been for me lately, I'm feeling it come back.  "It" being the very sociable old me.  Maybe I give people too little credit for being compassionate and understanding.  Maybe I give myself too much credit for coming off sad, mopey, depressed and with nothing to talk about since I don't have a job.

In the past I've been much more of a fiery, self-confident presence.  Even when I'm quiet, people know... watch out for that little girl.  She's small.  She's wise.  She's a terror for her size.  Yeah.  That's me.  And I've genuinely enjoyed being that fiesty pretty little thing.  Immensely.  It's who I am.

Now, I feel that my confidence is more of a quiet, I-know-what-you-don't-know kind of thing.  At least, I think that's how it's starting out.  This weekend I'll be testing out this new kind of confidence.  I haven't been this quiet since I was teacher's pet in first grade, honestly.  I'll be at a weekend leadership/group trust building retreat.  I'm supposed to bring business cards, but I don't have any. 

Other new things that are keeping me hopping: a few new friends, singlehood, this leadership class, possibly a new church located quite conveniently in my 'hood, going to check out culinary school next week, a new year of my volunteer group, and...I guess that's about all. 

I'm trying to think of my new theme song now...