Leadership Retreat = Fail

And thus continues the saga of the depressing posts.  This weekend was supposed to be a great time for me to try on my new confidence.  I had high hopes after an enjoyable carpool ride with two participants who I really like.  We were the last to arrive, however, and it seemed that this set me back in the meet and greet department.  The weekend was supposed to involve ropes courses and physical challenges outdoors.  But alas, the midwest winter weather, also known as White Death in these parts, rearranged our plans. 

We still did some physical challenges meant to help you embrace your team (of 55) and become intimately acquainted with them.  It was apparent from our outdoor activity on Friday morning, that these Type A young professionals had no experience with the small, wise terror.  Or perhaps, any small, wise terror.  During a particular group physical challenge, it was determined that short, or small people could not succeed!!  What?

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  I found myself, for the first time in a long time, in a group of individuals who highly underestimated the effect of the Napoleonic complex.  They really and truly believed that a short person could not achieve and succeed where they had!  Never have I encountered such a large group of individuals who have so completely and circumspectly de-valued me and who I am because of my size!  It was practically unanimous that failure was inevitable for the short of stature.  What they did not, and still do not know, is that I am not short on character, motivation and the strongest will to succeed of any of them.

I spoke up for myself during this initial activity and made clear my resentment of their belief that someone who was short couldn't succeed in the activity.  One of the camp counselors, also a petite lady, asked if I would like to do that activity again and I agreed.  I needed a partner and I stood for a full minute before anyone else volunteered.  Some debate was held as to whether the tallest or the next shortest among us should participate.  Finally I declared that I did not care what height or size someone was, that I would partner with anyone willing.  And then the most obnoxious man-boy in the group volunteered.

The remainder of the weekend was pretty much the same.  Short people...the smallest person...someone little...  oh, she won't be able to do that!!!  It was one of the most emotionally debilitating experiences of my life.  I did not entirely feel the need to prove them wrong; it was on them that they were missing out on the best of the small, wise terror.  I mentioned this to one of the event organizers and she said that in the past, many small people have encountered the same thing at the leadership retreat.  The difference, she said, was that the other small people also did not believe that they could succeed.  Shocked, I am!!! 

Besides the whole you're short so you can't succeed thing, there was the oh my, you live in that neighbourhood thing.  And the oh, you're unemployed thing.  Let's see: I've been unemployed for nearly 7 months.  My car has broken down on me twice, costing me upwards of $3,000.  I've been in the ER twice for a grand total of nearly $4,000 because I don't have insurance.  My boyfriend left me, just walked away.  Hmm.  What positive and light-hearted things do I have to talk to these 20-something, I have to wear Ralph Lauren always, I've had everything handed to me, I'm married and my life is awesome, I make a lot of money, I just want to go out and drink and have a good time little people?  Yeah.  Nothing. 

No one understands.  No one.  No one.  No one understands what I'm going through.  No one I know, knows what it's like to be in my position.  Single, 100% self-reliant for everything.  And unemployed, down to practically brass tacks.  I can't go out any more.  It's not an option.  I might get hurt or sick.  I'm not going to literally piss away my money.  In the meantime, there is no one at home here for me any more.  Even when I was seeing someone, he never took me out.  It's just me, ladies and gentlemen.

Yes, I'm short.  4'9" to be quite exact.  Don't underestimate me though.  I've worked in some of the toughest prisons in Brazil.  I went to school to become a police officer.  I learned the investment industry purely by rolling up my sleeves, jumping in and learning, managing eventually to become the VP of an investment firm by the time I was 28.  I put myself through school with no student loans and even moved out on my own my senior year of college.  I adopted two sweet and precious kittens.  I came down to this city by myself, knowing practically no one.  I made a life for myself, bought a condo, made friends and now, here I am.  All by my short little self.  And those people wanted to take away the last shred of my dignity this weekend.  Try a little harder, a**holes.  You didn't quite manage to succeed.